A week ago yesterday was the Churchwarden’s game. A game of frivolity, drinking and cigars. Home game poker the way home game poker was meant to be played. I say this for two reasons. 1) It is as true as a Tiger Woods drive and 2) I am really hoping that Ilsa will finally come to a live game. She said that she was going to come, but at the very last minute claimed that she had an allergy attack.
Maybe a description of the game will get her to come out. Once she sees the way we play, I’ll bet she can’t help but come out of her internet-only shell. There has to be something that will work.
I can only take so much credit for my success, though. I played tight enough that I didn’t get myself in trouble, but I got paid off on hands all night - even when I sooooo didn’t deserve to.
I won Omaha when A♠2♠xx became the nut flush and nut low. I won Omaha when T♥T♣ was joined by T♦ on the flop and T♠ on the turn. I didn’t even have to call Omaha, since Helmut was calling it every time it came around to him. Even when I missed the flop I was reading the table, and was able to get people to dump when I bet from late position. Maybe I have fewer tells than I think.
Oddly enough, all of the crazy hands came in the typically low-risk, low reward game of 5 card draw. Churchwarden had bullied the table to minimal results by betting the max ($5) predraw on two hands in a row. Both times, the rest of the table (Helmut, Rick, Leo Bloom and me) all folded. With .25 antes, Churchwarden wasn’t making much by jamming the pot, but he reports that he had trips both times and was hoping that he would get callers the second time because it seemed like such a bluff. No luck for Churchy, and he had to settle for $2.
The next time 5 card draw came around, nobody bet predraw. I had 4-5-7-8-x and took a shot at the inside straight. When I asked for one card, Churchwarden played a little keep away: “Is this the card you want? Are you sure? Maybe you want the second card...” - but I wanted the top card - a 6. After the draw, Helmut, who had taken three cards, bet the max. Well, god damn! Not looking to be greedy, I just called. And waited to slap my cards on the table. No dice. Helmut turned JK into quad Jacks and my straight looked positively puny. Still thanked Churchwarden for dealing me the card I wanted. One must be curteous, you know.
A few orbits later, Rick decided to throw a little wild card action into the mix. Probably inspired by Helmut’s quads, he called 5 card draw with Jacks wild. Leo bet the max preflop. Helmut called. I looked down at A♥2♥4♥5♥x. Believing (as Leo wanted me to) that all of this predraw betting was just so much bullying (and looking at a nut flush draw), I called. And much to my surprise, Rick raised another $5. Calls all around. Pre flop there was already $41.25 in the pot on a game that usually has one player steal the blinds with a $1 bet. Yikes. I imagine Churchwarden was comfortable with his fold.
Leo stands pat. Helmut takes three. I take one and get ... 3♥! I stifled the urge to yell “Holy shit!” and just waited for Leo to bet. $5 from Leo it is. Helmut threw down his cards after an ill-advised $10 investment. I, of course, raised. Rick, wary now, called as did an equally suspicious Leo. When I turned over the wheel straight flush, a chorus of “No fucking way” and “What the fuck” filled the room. The cursing wasn’t as sublime as Marie’s c-bomb, but what it lacked in majesty, it more than made up for in sincerity. Leo couldn’t believe that his natural AQ flush (no draw) lost. Rick was even more surprised that when his two wild jacks became an AKQ flush it wasn’t enough. I even had the nerve to be upset that neither of them reraised me. At the time it made no sense to me. But if I were to guess now, Rick and Leo must have both figured that when I drew one card, two pair became a full house. No more looking into the mouth of this gift horse. I’ll take my big pot and move on.
Final tally:
Ugarte + $107.50 USD
Churchwarden + $25.75 USD
Leo Bloom - $13.25 USD
Helmut - $50.00 USD
Rick - $70.00 USD
PTBNL (not present)
Ferrari has called a game for Monday, but that’s because he has accepted a false god. I’ll be at a seder with my family.
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Ugarte's Poker Grovel #21, or Horseshoe Up My Ass
