Where feminine hygiene is no laughing matter ...Rick's Cafe Americain

And so we list the complaints.

1. First - and most annoying - is that for the second online poker room signup in a row, someone has already taken the name Ugarte.  So I am “Ugartes PG” (no punctuation allowed).  I know I shouldn’t blame True Poker for this, but it isn’t my fault and I don’t know who the other Ugarte is, so True Poker gets stuck shouldering the blame.

2. The table is set up in a quasi 3-D, which is actually a pretty neat angle.  It feels more like a regular table, and your cards are always conveniently at the bottom of the screen.  But for 3-D to work, all of the players have to be 3-D people.  This is where it gets, shall we say, unfortunate.

True Poker gives you 15 avatars to choose from.  All are “fantasy” avatars. There is Genghis Khan, Nefertiti, Gangsta, James Bond, Robot, Link, Professor Frink, Hot Girl, Punk Girl, Bandito, Emir, Fu Manchu, and a few more that I can’t recall.  This is a poker room?  Where is the drunk frat boy?  The chain-smoking old guy with missing teeth?  The fat guy in a Marvin the Martian T-shirt?  The Asian women chattering to each other in their own tongue?  All the fantasy avatars seem so 1985.  I was stuck with James Bond (who looks like Roger Moore, but sounds like Sean Connery) because at least he has a tux like Ugarte does in Casablanca.  Ugarte was no Bond, though.

At Bugsy’s Club, each player has a simple brass nameplate.  At Poker Stars, they will import a .gif to stick in a simple picture frame.  I think both are better than the cartoon characters at True.  At least less ridiculous.

3. Did I mention that my character sounds like Sean Connery?  Yes, he does.  That is because all of the players call out their play “Bet” “Check” “Call” “Raise”.  Just when I had gotten used to the simple clinking of chips on the table, I joined a site that has more chatter than the home games I play in.  I don’t know, maybe this will grow on me.  My first impression was “if I have to hear my own brogue one more time ...”

4. True Poker doesn’t accept Central Coin, my payment method of choice, to fund my cash account.

5. The game doesn’t automatically show winning hands to the table.  I sat down at a play money table to test drive the format. I played one hand and decided that this wasn’t the best time for a test drive.  It was, I admit, was mostly my fault; a product of this simple equation:

“Awake at 5:30am” does not equal “Alert at 5:30am”

I sat down at a 3/6 table with 5 other players, one seat before the button and was dealt ATo.  Everyone saw the flop.  8-8-A, rainbow.  SB bets, a caller, I raise.  Calls all around the table.  The turn is a 7. Still no flush draws.  SB bets, a fold in front of me and I raise again. Two callers (including the bettor) behind me.  The river is a 6.  I can’t imagine that anyone is really on a runner-runner straight draw, but I still choose to only call the SB, as does the button.

The SB turns over A7, and the dealer asks if I want to show or muck.

At this time I would like to remind my readers that it is ~5:30am.  And I didn’t pick up my glasses from my nightstand when I lumbered over to the computer. 

I have never played at a computer table that gave the winning hand the option of mucking.  I understand that this is more “true” to the game so I respect the feature in a site that calls itself True Poker, but I didn’t expect it. 

And it was 5:30am!!!

I saw in the SB’s hand as two pair. Aces and sevens.  “Beats my aces,” thought I.  So I threw away my cards.  And then I remembered the eights on the board, just in time to hear the dealer push the chips to the SB saying “Two pair, aces and eights.” I had the guy outkicked and I threw away my cards. Ugh. 

I signed off, tried to go to sleep, but decided I had to write instead.

It’s going to be a long day.