The Porn of The Christ
This weekend, I saw the most expensive snuff film ever made.
For starters, let me say that I didn’t find it anti-semitic. Sure, the Temple Elders were a touch unsympathetic, but so were the British in Braveheart, the Romans in Gladiator, the Germans in . . . well . . . pretty much every movie. Remember, folks, this is a movie—and a Mel Gibson picture, at that. Hollywood meets the Vatican: think Braveheart, without a storyline or epic battle scenes or even a terribly sympathetic hero, and you get to see the drawing and quartering. Actually, think Braveheart where the drawing and quartering lasts two and a half hours.
My only real complaint on a “historical accuracy” level is that Pilate is easily the most likeable character. That’s problematic for two reasons. First, historical accounts don’t make him seem like quite the honorable, fair, thoughtful man he is in the film. Second, in a film about Jesus, why is Pilate the only one with depth?
And he is. Everyone else is a caricature (Judas is a cowering simp who becomes a babbling maniac—at least that’s growth of a sort; Mary and Mary are kind of like Jesus’ backup singers—they follow him around, making soft noises but not really doing much of anything; Peter does a lot of staring; and the Rabbis ride around on mules and generally look smug and vicious; Satan (yes, Satan) is a dead ringer for Emperor Palpatine, and mostly just sulks around looking smug and vicious. Wait a minute . . .
Did I leave anyone out? Oh, yeah, Jesus. See, despite being the focus of the film (and a major religion, incidentally), he’s not really a character. And that’s the part that really bugged me. This film reduces Jesus, Son of Man, Son of God, King of the Jews, Prince of Peace, to nothing more than a fetish object: a body that we can watch be torn apart on screen for two hours.
I wouldn’t say that this movie was about Jesus. In fact, I wouldn’t say this movie was “about” anything. Instead, of being The Greatest Story Ever Told, it’s an extended scene from one of the Hellraiser movies, with Roman soldiers as the Cenobites. In my opinion Gibson has done for Catholicism what Tobe Hooper did for the Texas Tourism Board.
The movie doesn’t really teach you anything about who Jesus was, what he did or said, or what it meant. It just shows you how he died. And boy, was it gory. When it was over, I didn’t think to myself “Hey, that Jesus was quite a guy!” or “Hmmm, what a great message he had!” In fact, it didn’t make me think at all, except to marvel at how much the blood looked like barbeque sauce. There is no message of peace and love, no theological, philosophical or even political statement made or question posed. Just lots and lots of blood. And I think I saw a rib.
Also, the end is crap. I don’t recall ever reading that when Jesus finally died, the earth shook, and the Temple was cracked in two (I think Mel got that from an Indiana Jones film). That may also have been a touch anti-semitic, now that I think about it. Editor’s Note: I have been informed (by Pauly) that this is in fact in the gospel. Still, the scene with Satan screaming and writhing in defeat was pure cheese.
Bottom line: if you get off on watching someone get tortured and die slowly and gruesomely, this is the flick for you. Otherwise, rent The Last Temptation of Christ.
As for Gibson, his punishment should be to be placed in the Harrow and have “Stick to Action Flicks” inscribed on his body
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