My Dinner With DawndreThe life of a blogger is tough. It’s not as easy as some people seem to think. However, this weekend Ilsa and I were lucky enough to host the inimitable and always delightful Dawn Summers for an evening at stately Blaine Manor. In the spirit of Clareified, I’ve decided to blog the visit using one of Dawn’s favorite devices, the dialogue. It all began with a phone call that came about three hours before Dawn said she would be arriving . . .
Why was Dawn three hours early? Because she didn’t get lost. Yes, that’s right, Dawn added 3 hours to a 45-minute drive to account for the likelihood of her getting lost. Needless to say, we left that Outback right were it was until it was time for Dawn to go to the airport. Since she left at ten on Sunday morning, I can only assume she’s boarding the plane about now.PHONE: [plays “Linus and Lucy”, by Vince Guaraldi].
ME: Hello?
DAWN: Hi!
ME: Dawn! Hi! Where are you?
DAWN: I’m not sure. I’m lost.
ME: Oh no. Do you have any idea where you are?
DAWN: I see trees.
ME: That narrows it down.
DAWN: And little Brady Bunch mini-houses.
ME: Uh-huh?
DAWN: And a silver Mazda RX-8.
ME: You’re at my house?
DAWN: I guess.
ME: Oh. Did you ring the doorbell?
DAWN: Yes.
ME: Did anyone answer the door?
DAWN: Um, no.
ME: Then we’re not home.
DAWN: That’s OK. I’ll just steal some of your neighbor’s children.*
The first thing Dawn saw when she walked through the door was our cat, Guru. All I can say is, to quote Dawn herself (though not at that particular moment), “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”. While I sympathize with Dawn’s very real discomfort with most non-human living things, watching her jump every time the cat brushes against her just never gets old. Nor do her frequent conversations with the cat:
DAWN: You’re not that big. I could take you. Just remember that.
GURU: [blink]
The second thing Dawn saw was the Scrabble box:
DAWN: Oooooh, can we play Scrabble?
RICK: Sure.
DAWN: Can I win?
RICK: It’s possible.
DAWN: I want to win.
RICK: OK.**
I was about to set up the board when Ilsa pointed out that Dawn might want to go out and “see” Palo Alto, since she was only here for a day. Intrigued, I asked what was worth “seeing” in Palo Alto. And, for the record, if you’re planning a visit, here is the short list:
Number 1: Stanford University. Here, I employed a touring technique known as “drive into the middle of it and get lost, then drive around till you’ve found your way back out. It was highly effective, and we saw all the key Stanford sights, including the Famous Bell Tower Thingy, the Parking Lot In Front Of The Rodin Sculpture Garden, the Fake Mayan Ruins, the Bike Racks (Dawn’s personal favorite—I’ve never seen anyone get so excited and nostalgic over bike racks) and Panama Street (where Dawn mocked me for referring to the U.S. as “the States”, instead of “here"). 25 minutes later I was wondering what else to show her:
RICK: Oh, Stanford has a linear accelerator—want to see that?
DAWN: Here’s what I heard: “Ooooh, Stanford blah blah blah blah blah.”
RICK: It’s the physics equivalent of saying that Stanford has a TV studio filming WB shows.
DAWN: Ooooooh!!!! Now THAT I’d like to see!
Number 2: Downtown Palo Alto. Otherwise known as University Avenue, this is a long drive down a short, congested street lined with restaurants and shops. Highlight: Citibank.
DAWN: Oh, wow, look!
RICK: What?
DAWN: A Citibank!
RICK: So?
DAWN: That’s my bank!
RICK: Um, great, I’ll be sure to drive by the McDonald’s on the way home.
DAWN: Why?
RICK: Because they are about as rare.
DAWN: I get excited when I see a McDonald’s in a foreign country.
Number 3: New LLP’s Palo Alto Office. We didn’t go here, because I forgot. And because I don’t know where it is. And because, why would anyone want to spend their weekend out of town visiting their office? But if you want to see it while you’re here, Ilsa knows the address . . .
Anyway, after The Tour there was dinner, at Francis Ford Coppola’s restaurant:
DAWN: I wish I had David Blaine’s powers.
RICK: Why?
DAWN: So that I could make this table disappear.
RICK: Why would you want to do that?
DAWN: Then they probably wouldn’t notice if I stole my wine glass.
After dinner, Ilsa went bed and Dawn and I sat down to play some Scrabble. Now, this happens to be the time of night when Guru likes to fly around the living room at full speed, flinging himself onto one of the couches and scrambling about spider-like on its vertical surfaces, so Dawn was a bit distracted.
GURU: [flies past Dawn on his way to the nearest couch arm, where he hangs momentarily suspended by his claws]
DAWN: Eeeeeyyyaaaaahhhh!! [deep breath] I think you should go be with your mommy, cat.
GURU: [blinks]
DAWN: You’re not so big. I . . . could . . . take you?
GURU: [blinks]
DAWN: Eeeeeyyyaaahhh!!!
I won’t bore you with the details of the game itself, but I will share the final board, which shows how Dawn earned the title, “the [Salvador] Dali of Scrabble”:
For those of you who are interested, according to Dawn a “jif” is a “hurry”; “bonrelaxer” is “a very good relaxer”; and “zariy” is an adjective that refers to something that makes the Baby Jesus cry (for example, the word “bonrelaxer"). Apparently, “Zariy” is also a popular name in the world of pre-pubescent cartoon fan-fiction. I have no idea what a “codet” is, but I think it was featured in the DaVinci Code.
Needless to say Dawn won (as per our prior agreement), and a good time was had by all.
We can’t wait to have Dawn back, and I only hope that the next time she comes out this way she won’t be lured by strangers with Bavarian candy. After all, the doors on a Bimmer all open the same way.
* OK, she didn’t actually say that. But that’s what Dawn thinks our neighbors thought as they peered from behind their blinds to watch her loiter on our street for half an hour.
** I meant “OK, we’ll play”. Dawn heard, “OK, you’ll win”.
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