Where feminine hygiene is no laughing matter ...Rick's Cafe Americain

4/30/07

I have to wear a tie at work again. This is not good news.

I got used to working at a contract attorney assignment where anything more formal than assless chaps was considered workplace-appropriate. When I accepted my current position I received the news that not only would I have to suffer through wearing Dockers, I’d also have to wear a tie. I took it as any man would: I put on a brave
face, my lip barely quivering in the conference room, then went to a bathroom stall and cried until the cleaning lady whispered “Todo será fino” through the door. And, for a while, it was fino.

I wore a tie daily for my first few weeks, but soom backslid to a few days a week. Then I stopped wearing a tie. This lasted for a month. Then I started wearing jeans occassionally. Then always. Five months into my assignment and I had, by silent, mostly-unwitting rebellion, singlehandedly rewritten the company dress code for contract attorneys. Then, for reasons I can barely begin to understand, I didn’t tuck my shirt in a couple of times.

There was a meeting. I was informed of the dress code. Once again, I am wearing a tie.

I suppose I wouldn’t mind so much if I could simply leave my officewear at the office. Unfortunately, now that I (a) live in deep Brooklyn, (b) don’t have a car and (c) would get the evil eye from my wife if I had a car and elected to gratuitously drive it into Manhattan, I have to wear these same clothes out to my shows after work. On the Lower East Side. No matter how gentrified that neighborhood becomes, a tie after dusk is still rare indeed.

Lewis Black made a rumpled, post-work look his thing but I don’t want it to be my thing. For a while, though, my thing it will be.