Debut of The RambleI pick up today with what was the introduction of the term “RAMBLE” for my meanderings. It was for Mother’s Day, last year. So here are the first two Rambles.
It has been so long since I’ve sent one of these schedule notices. It is like we have become strangers. I so very much do not want us to become strangers. And who is the very opposite of a stranger? Mom! So let us celebrate Mom together. What a relief that tomorrow is Mother’s Day, salvaging the relevance of this homage. (Schedule follows the ramble.)
THE RAMBLE
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Unfortunately this is the worst possible forum for me to celebrate my mother. It is supposed to be funny, so heartfelt praise would be out of place. On the other hand, an e-roast wouldn’t be a kind surprise to lay on her either. She reads this silly thing - and even posts it on her office door because her coworkers like to feign interest in my career.
Instead I will talk about a “trend” piece in today’s Wall Street Journal. In it, the author claims that there is a wave of young men who, in lieu of a Mother’s Day gift, undertake a bit of self-improvement that they “know” will make their mother happy. Examples in the article including lasering off a now-regretted tattoo, removal of a hideous back sweater or signing up with a dating website so that they won’t forever be alone. In other words, they are assholes.Thinking only of themselves, they do something that they want for themselves, jot that idea down on a card and imply that their selfishness is, in fact, the ultimate sacrifice. I suppose the furthest extension of this idea - and just the sort of thing these louts would do - would be to say “Whenever I talk to my mother I get upset. And she says that she just wants me to be happy. So I am not going to call my mother this year. It is exactly what she would want.” Jerks.
That is why, Mom, for Mother’s Day, I am telling these jerks off in this email on your behalf. I know it is what you would want. You can thank me tomorrow by picking up the check at brunch.
Happy Memorial Day, everyone. I know that my Memorial Day will be filled with holiday goodness because I was recently informed that the building is technically closed, so I will be working sans A/C. If you look at your computer screen, you will note that I am sweating enough to cloud your monitor. You might want to get that looked at.
THE (short) RAMBLE
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As it happens, there is only one thing worth talking about. I have joined 2004 with a bullet and finally signed up on MySpace. If it is anything like Friendster (it isn’t! it is so totally better!), I will check it for a couple of weeks and then never, ever look at it again.But that won’t happen because MySpace is great! I have over 100 friends already (popular!) and you can use it to lure and murder teenage girls! (or boys; no sex discrimination around here!) Not that I want to but it is so awesome that I totally could!
What I am saying is that MySpace makes me want to use exclamation points and I’ve never felt this way before! Please kill me!
But add me first.
Please?
