Where the Battle of Algiers rages on ...Rick's Cafe Americain

A.M. tournament, 4/17/05

I waited too long to write this recap. This was the tournament when I started playing a more aggressive brand of poker to good results. I pushed around a couple of tight weakies and maximized the value of some made hands. When we got down to three players, the chips were spread around the table fairly evenly. Charlie Todd was the chip leader, but Moug and I were close behind and within a small blind of each other. Three-way play didn’t last very long. We passed the blinds back and forth for a little while, and then it all ended in the space of three hands.

Poker Glossary interlude
Moug: (v) müj To toss one’s hand into the muck before the dealer has finished distributing the cards, named for A.M. regular Nick Mougis. It is traditional to say “moug” (rhymes, tragically, with ‘stooge’) as you muck your hand.

Hand 1: Moug made a modest raise. I came over the top of Mougis with a small pair. He called with a hand I don’t recall, but he had overcards and paired one of them. I had him chipped by T100. Moug was now the big stack by a fair amount and I was still alive.

Hand 2: The blinds were at 400/800/50, and I was on the button. I had only 50 behind my ante, so I called without looking. Moug raised 1600. Charlie thought about it for a long time - incorrectly thinking that Moug had made a minimum raise to 1600. He asked what would happen if Moug scooped (Charlie in 2d) or if I won the hand and Moug had the second best hand (I survive of course, so Charlie goes out in 3d.) He went into the tank for a long time. When he came out, he pushed. Moug called immediately. Charlie turned over KTo; Moug A♦9♦. I said that I wanted to wait to look at my cards. Charlie was having none of that bullshit, since he was all-in also, so I flipped over ... Q♦5♦.

Ugarte: You have my diamonds.
Moug Fuck that! You have my diamonds!

The flop was Q-x-x, putting me in the lead. The turn was a 5 and the river an A. Shit. Burned on the river and bumped to third pl… wait a second. The dealer noticed what I did not: the 5 on the turn gave me two pair and the hand. Charlie started beating himself up for fighting Moug before I busted. Probably the correct time for self-examination. Anyway, after the hand, I had 300 and Moug had 19,700. Not surprisingly, it ended one hand later.

The only lesson I learned came in the post-tournament ring game. And I learned it from one of the tight-weakies. I limped in with A7s in UTG+1 and see the flop with three other players, including both bliinds. The flop comes down A-Q-4. Corey, the aforementioned tight-weakie in the big blind bets $1.50. I bump him to $5. He thinks about it and calls. The turn is a 9. He checked and I pushed in my last $7.25 (figuring that my hand was (a) good and (b) Corey ALWAYS folds when you push back at him during a tournament. He thinks for a while and calls with A4o. The river is a blank and so is my stack. I thought that there was a good chance that he had two pair. It took him an awful long time to decide that the two pair was good. He said You are such a tight player, I was afraid that you had AQ. I took some solace in that, because it proved that at least one player doesn’t understand my game at all. Seriously: what are the odds that I would have limped AQ?

I finished the night +$20 from the tournament and -$20 from the ring. Thank god there are no time charges at A.M.

Razz night at the Blue Parrot, 4/25/05

What can I say that hasn’t already been said? I can tell you that I have never seen Pauly as pissed off as he was after he lost this hand (all dialog is reconstructed paraphrases):

Flop 8-x-x rainbow

Pauly: Bet [This may have been a raise of Ferrari’s bet. I’m sure he’ll let me know in the comments. -ed]
Ferrari: What do you have?
Pauly: I have a hand. Top pair, top kicker.
Ferrari: Call

Turn: 4 (much betting and raising)
River: x (more betting and raising)

Showdown
Pauly: I told you, TPTK.
Ferrari: Pocket fours. Set on the turn.

I don’t want to play armchair psychologist, but Pauly probably wouldn’t have been as pissed if (a) he hadn’t been bleeding money like a dotcom playing Razz and/or (b) Ferrari didn’t take such malicious delight in fucking him on what was a poor decision, poker-wise. I’m just saying.

As for me, I was just as bricky in Razz as everyone but newcomer Arthur, but I made my money back and a little more when the game switched to hold ‘em (+EV for me at the Parrot) and Omaha/8 (usually ++EV).

A.M. tournament, 5/2/05

I have been very successful of late at A.M., but usually because of my reasonably strong middle game. I am not very good at accumulating chips early and tend to sit back. I decided to play more aggressively up front, so that I could play with a real stack when the tables combined. The strategy would certainly be aided by catching some cards early, and that is just what happened.

PRESTO on the first hand. I limped from the button with four players (including the blinds). The flop was 7-7-5, giving me the bottom end of the full house. I raised to $5 on the flop and got called by the small blind. I bet another $10 on the turn after the small blind checked. I think the bet was a mistake for two reasons. First, the bet left me with only another $4.50 behind - it was effectively an all-in bet. Second, unless he hit a better boat on the flop or was slowplaying pocket 7s, I had the best hand. I should have been making a value bet and just calling any raise. As it turned out, my large bet convinced him to fold queens. That is exactly the kind of hand where I should get his stack. On the other hand, if I played it correctly, I know that he would have hit a queen on the river.

Another pocket pair on the second hand. I limped with 66 from the cutoff. The flop was 10-10-3. The table checked to me again, and I bet the pot. Everyone folded, and Michael said that he didn’t like “the new, aggressive Charles.” Damn straight.

I was building a pretty impressive stack, but it all went away in one hand. Right after pushing Pat Baer out of a hand that he played weakly (he checked middle pair, I bet the bottom pair strong), I called a small raise with A7 in the small blind. He checked a flop of 6-3-2 and I bet it. He pushed in response, and I badly misanalyzed the odds on the hand. I figured that I was getting 4:1 on my money, so I could call with two overcards. I know Pat’s game well enough that I should have been thinking “overpair.” But it was even worse: his overpair was 77. I could have saved myself $7.50. I have decided to pretend that it was worth calling, because a loose call might make Pat cautious about bluffing me. Shut up.

Anyway, this happened right before the tables combined. I counted my chips (fuck Kenny Rogers; it is terrible advice): T2000. Exactly what I started with. Figures.

Poker Glossary interlude
Smoug: (v) smüj To toss one’s hand into the muck before the chips from your opponent’s bet hit the table, named by Sporto, who apparently wasn’t connecting on many flops.

I reraised Pat Baer all-in with Ace-ten and got called by ... ace ten. I can’t complain too much, but c’mon Pat. Ace-ten isn’t really a calling hand for all of your chips. Pat got away with another one after reraising me all-in (I had him comfortably chipped) with AJ when I had AQ. The board paired twice, so our kickers didn’t play. Booo!

I hurt myself pretty badly when, with A7 I called Moug’s push from the short stack. He flipped over kings. Moug has been known to push with K or Q high when he has enough chips to make a move, but few enough that he really needs to steal blinds. Still, I probably should have gotten away from the hand. We were down to four people at this point, and I had to play off the short stack.

I certainly had my share of luck on the short stack. Carter was on my left with a mountain of chips. After posting the big blind, I didn’t have enough to call Carter’s raise from the big blind, so I went all in with 65o. I paired my 6. On the next hand I went all in again from the small blind. Carter basically had to call - particularly with two face cards. He wasn’t happy to see that this time I had pocket aces. So I doubled up again. Actually, with the antes and blinds, over the course of those two hands I probably increased my stack sixfold. Pat Baer - now the new short stack - was not happy. He busted out on the bubble pretty soon after.

I yo-yo’d for a while, went on a couple of double-up rushes, but eventually busted when I pushed with 44 and Moug’s KQo caught a queen on the flop. Who says Kournikova never wins? I still think it was very suspect for Moug to call with KQ. He said that because my AK had beaten his Presto earlier in the tournament, I shouldn’t complain. I disagree; I was showing down far more aces at the short table than pairs, and KQ is farther behind any ace than he is to an underpair. C’est la vie.

Even after busting me, Moug was behind Carter. A showdown a few hands later tilted Carter’s way and he walked away with the win. Well done, Carter.

I met Brother of Ugarte at the second of two sets I did two Wednesdays ago (I can’t believe it took me 10 days to write this). I don’t get to see him as much as I’d like anymore and this show would end early enough that we could hang out afterwards. I did my set, did the courteous thing and sat through two other comics, and then we headed over to Mamoun’s for falafel (two bucks, man!) and Caffe Reggio for dessert (not two bucks.) At 10:15 I realized that I had to head uptown for the weekly no limit tournament at A.M. and I said goodbye to Brother. Mistake #1.

When I arrived at A.M., the room was packed - but no asphnxma. It wasn’t packed because of a high turnout, though. A.M. is actually the office space for an improv group and our poker room is actually a rehearsal room. And both rehearsal rooms were occupied, and would be for at least an hour. I decided to stay because it was The Chief’s last night in New York. Mistake #2.

After adjourning to a nearby bar for an ill-advised beer (I had already fulfilled two one-drink minimum obligations), we finally started playing cards at midnight. Sporto asked if we wanted to shorten the blinds on account of the hour, but we were purists and decided that we didn’t want a crapshoot. Mistake #3.

We dealt for position and Paula - the calling station who broke me last week - was on my left. She was back to playing aggressive poker and torturing the players around the table by calling every preflop bet, underbetting the flop with the nuts (she had the nuts a lot early on) and bluffing at every checked pot (all those showdowns had the rest of the table gunshy on ragged flops). She and Sporto slowly collected everyone’s chips. They were sitting next to each other, and the slant on the table was obvious. I had done a little accumulating myself, but it was all for naught when I blew half of my stack by calling with pocket tens when Tiger who pushed in front of me. He hit one of his overcards.

I got some chips back by stealing blinds and was back at the table average when Deke pushed in front of me. Foolishly, instead of pushing over the top to isolate, I just called. (Mistake #4) Paula quickly called behind me. I followed up my terrible preflop play with my worst flop play of the night: I checked a 9 high flop, expecting Paula to bet. She did not. (Mistake #5). She checked behind me when the turn was an 8. And she checked behind me again when a jack came on the river. All the while, Deke was sitting all-in accusing us both of having nothing. After the river, he turned up pocket fives. I exhaled (expecting QQ from all of his bitching), I showed my tens and Paula flipped pocket eights for a turned set. Which is the only reason I didn’t call my check on the turn a mistake (even though it was). Goodbye Deke.

Deke’s exit put me on the shortstack and the bubble. With Paula still playing every hand behind a huge pile of chips, I was hoping that either Tiger would push into her and bust or she would walk into a trap set by Sporto and throw away what she had. I decided that my best bet was to either wait for her to bust or double through Paula when I knew I was ahead. She would call any bet, so it made no sense to bluff. Fortunately, I didn’t have to wait until the blinds swallowed all of my chips.

Paula’s strategy is good for chip accumulation at the beginning of the tournament. People are willing to let go of hands because they don’t want to bust early.  It is hard to put her on a hand. Her plausible range is huge, so she induces a lot of folding from people that miss their flops. She doesn’t change gears, though, and as people start realizing that their stacks are dwindling, her calling/bluffing ways make her the favorite target of shortstacks looking to double up. All of those minimum bets and ill-advised calls start catching up to her. She is also particularly fond of minimum betting, which can be a good way of keeping players you want to call in hands, but is also a good way of hanging on to players you want to fold. So it was that she limped to my 92o in the big blind to see a flop of Q-2-2. I checked because, as regular as the sunrise I knew she would bet the flop and call when I pushed. And she did. With nothing. Two big blinds later the hand played out almost exactly the same: JTo in the big blind, flop of T-T-8, check-bet-push-call. And we have a new shortstack.

There weren’t any interesting hands after that. She eventually had to push and busted out in 4th (bubble); shortly thereafter I had to do the same (quadrupling up still left me way behind Sporto and Tiger). As soon as I busted, Sporto and Tiger chopped so that they could play Worlds of Warcraft. Because they are nerds.

The end result is that I finished in third, which paid $18. Subtract the $10 buy in and I netted $8. I arrived at 10:30 and left at ~2, so I made less than $3/hr. Which, I think it is fair to say, was mistake #6.

A.M. tournament

I thought that maybe the fates were with me. I went to Otto’s to perform in their 8PM open mic, but only Matt Taylor and I showed up. The host arrived late and surly. With no audience to perform for and a host that wasn’t interested in hosting, we decided to leave. Matt had a spot at The Duplex, so I tried to sneak myself onto the bill. Nothing doing. So we headed over to the Village Lantern and I tried to sneak on over there. Again, no dice.

But wait… host Steve Rosso came bounding up the stairs to tell me that someone had cancelled and he could put me up last! I had a good set and figured that fate was smiling on me after spending the early part of the evening mocking me. It turns out this was just a set up so it could mock me again. Fate is like that.

Early in the tournament I caught pocket tens on the button. There was only one limper ahead of me, so I raised to 4x the big blind. Both of the blinds called me and asphnxma made some snarky comment about the type of respect my raises get. The flop was ten high and rainbow. The blinds checked and I made a modest bet. The small blind called, but the big blind folded. The turn paired the rags on the board. The small blind bet, I raised him and he called again. The river was a brick and the small blind pushed in his stack. I quickly called. He showed his once-powerful aces and I doubled up with Tens full.

The tournament was mostly uneventful for a while. I was playing aggressively (for me) and was doing a decent job of holding onto my chips. I pushed Paula, a new player at A.M., out of a pot with a big bet on the turn, and she called me a bully. I doubled up through her when she called my bluff bet on the flop with nothing but a gutshot draw. It didn’t come for her and she just shrugged. Paula didn’t care because she was in the middle of a generally unsuccessful attempt to dump her chips. She kept calling from behind and sucking out. It was actually painful to watch. Poker lost over and over and over again.

Meanwhile, asphnxma was getting cold-decked like nothing I’ve ever seen. He got 52o three times in a row. It was in the middle of two orbits of no cards higher than nine, nothing suited and no connected cards. He was shortstacked and just wanted to push, but had nothing. Finally I told him A watched pot never boils. Don’t look at your cards, just push. After a few more shitty hands, that is exactly what he did. I don’t remember his cards, but he tripled up. He doubled through again, courtesy of Paula - still trying to lose. All of a sudden he was sitting on one of the larger stacks when two tables collapsed to one.

When we got down to 6 players, Paula ended up on my immediate right. When I saw AQo, I raised it up. Not surprisingly, Paula called. The flo was T-9-x and Paula checked. Paula hadn’t slowplayed anything all night, I didn’t want to see anymore cards and she had shown a willingness to lay down her cards after the flop. So I pushed. And she called. And turned over T9. I had her outchipped, though, so I had at least one more hand to play.

I was left with 9000 in the SB when the blinds were 6000/12000/1000, so everyone knew that all of my chips were going to be in the pot. Still, there were two other limpers, meaning that I had a chance to quadruple up. The flop was T-7-x, rainbow. asphnxma and the other limper checked and Paula bet into the 1BB side pot, forcing the limpers to fold and grumble about the wisdom of checking it down. I hadn’t looked at my cards yet, so when Paula and I were heads up, I was pleased to see T3. Paula turned over A♥7♥. Wow! I was going to quadruple up ... until Paula went runner-runner for the heart flush and I was gone.

I dropped another $15 in the ring game, mostly on a hand that asphnxma discusses more cogently than I would here. Let’s just say that the guy with aces isn’t a particularly deceptive player and I have no regrets about how I played the hand.

Tropicana

For all of my poker playing over the last two years, I had never played in a casino. I’d played blackjack in AC, Verona and Deadwood, but not poker. When asphnxma and Bkyn Plague decided to head to AC for President’s Day, I figured this would be as good a day as any to make my first trip. Deke decided to join in as well.

I started the day $5 in the hole. We opted to take the 9:30 Academy bus from the Port Authority to the Tropicana, since that is apparently the poker room of choice. (Why not the Borgata? I don’t know. asphnxma?) That meant I had to be on the train before 9. Which, in turn, meant that I would be dragging my fat ass out of a warm bed much earlier than I am used to on a weekend (or, lately, a weekday), so I was bound to be a little confused. I knew as soon as I stepped off the train at 34th Street that I made a mistake. Unwilling to wait for another train, I headed above ground and grabbed a taxi. Like I said, still in New York and already $5 in the hole.

I had two hours to kill, so I read a little fiction, a little non-fiction (to prepare to interview the author) and the introduction to a friend’s draft novel. The bus arrived in AC at 11:45, we were given $17 (in cash!) by the tour operator and headed to the cage. I got cold feet about playing no limit in a cash game (probably because of this), so I put my name on the list for 4/8 and bought in for $200.

The table was ridiculous. No fold ‘em hold ‘em. People were playing ATsC and calling off all the way to the river with nothing but a three card draw. Even with so many people in the pots, I just didn’t feel like there was any way that people were getting the odds to draw the way they did. I lost so much money to people holding 53s or J4s (that one was runner-runner) or similar crap that I almost cried. Early on, I was down $30 and told asphnxma about the table. He said that I had to start playing more suited cards and connectors. It sounded too much like “when in rome” for me to follow his advice, but on reflection he was probably right. Once a tight player, always a tight player. If I never going to improve, of course.

I quickly reversed fortune when I got into a pot with pocket eights. I caught my set on the flop and a boat on the turn and a loose player in the four seat capped the river against me. Sweet. After another hand where I hit my gutshot on the turn (7 way action preflop on a pot I raised with AQ and only one small bet on the flop to call those same seven people. I had the odds here, right?) I was up over $100 and feelin’ fine. Then the flushes started coming for the chasers and I started playing poorly.

I didn’t have breakfast before I left and I didn’t break for lunch. I spent the last two hours with my stomach growling, but unwilling to slow down and have a sandwich. It was a mistake. A combination of bad rivers and ill-advised calls blew off another $230. If didn’t win the last hand of the day (which I played horribly, by the way), I would have lost over $100 playing against a table where I respected only two (maybe three) of my opponents. Instead I lost $99. I guess it could have been worse. Also, it could have been better. Plague finished +$200, Deke about the same.

That is a juicy game. I’ll be back.

As all good home games should, there was a great deal of food. Pizzas arrived on time (a shocker on Super Bowl Sunday). The Wing Wagon had a line out the door, but the only-in-New York Chinese/Mexican takeout hybrid next door had no line at all. And 100 wings were the same price. We had olives, good cheese (thanks Toni!), wine (thanks Helmut and Consuelo!), mini-meatloaf footballs (thanks Sous Chef!), lemon bundt cake (thanks Rebecca!) and more. I was afraid that someone was going to throw up at the table. (Coach has a story about that, which he would be more than happy to tell you. Ask for the short version.)

We started playing at the end of the first half because we knew that if we started watching Paul McCartney’s halftime show we would kill ourselves. My table only seats 9 comfortably, so Brother of Ugarte and Rebecca nobly backed out and joined the other non-players watching the football. The non-poker-players were laughing a lot. Probably on account of all of the wine. The poker table was relatively somber. Probably on account of all the wings.

I should have written earlier. The result of the delay is that I remember very little about the game.

I do remember that the women were far more aggressive early in the tournament than the men. Zinester and Lisa built large stacks early by betting hard after the flop. Lisa’s aggressiveness eventually betrayed her when she overplayed her small aces one too many times. The second-to-last time, however, came at a time when Zinester was busy overplaying an even smaller ace. Also, aggressiveness on the flop is ineffective if one always folds on the river. I’m talking to you, Sous Chef.

Josh and Helmut - two notoriously loose-aggressive players - kept going head-to-head. Helmut kept winning. Eventually Josh was gone.

I busted Chris when he pushed threes into my pocket sixes shortly after running into my QQ with AT. I was busy winning other pots without a showdown so I slowly took the chip lead.

Toni and Cathy were flying under the radar. Surviving without too much combat. Toni routinely overbets the pot by design. When I had a hand I pushed back; usually I didn’t. She never had the aces that I needed to worry about and I don’t recall a showdown.

We soon got down to three players and I had the chip lead over Cathy and Helmut. It wasn’t a very big chip lead. When Cathy laid a bad beat on Helmut to clean him out, I was way behind. The cards were not helpful and I went out in second. That meant in two days I had played in two tournaments. Both times I fell to the women of Kelley Drye & Warren, where I had my first law job. As if I needed another reason to hate that place.

Most people left after the first tournament, but Brother of Ugarte joined Josh, Zinester, Sous Chef, Helmut and me for a second tournament. Again I had the chip lead early, again I blew it. This time I blew it in heads-up play. I bluffed at Josh one too many times and miscalculated the size of my lead very badly.

Two tournaments, two second places. Finishing in second twice wasn’t bad, but I set myself up to win both tournaments and fell short both times. Then again, it could be worse. Hard to complain when you have good company and good food anyway. Especially when you restrained yourself from placing a large bet on the Patriots - and giving the points.

I should, but will not, write about the monthly game at the Churchwarden’s that took place this past Wednesday. For a regular game, it had been somewhat irregular since November so I was relieved that the game didn’t fall apart. The game was as much fun as I have had at a poker table in ages but I can’t convey that on paper. It is my favorite game in the city and I’m glad it is back.

As per usual, I arrived late to the tournament. At the 2:30 scheduled start time, I got a call from Ferrari asking where I was. At the time I was just getting back into my car. I belatedly realized that I had (a) not eaten anything all day and (b) had only $4 in my wallet. A quick stop on 14th St. and 8th avenue to pop into an HSBC and a sandwich shop and I was on my way. It turns out that it is much easier to find parking near the Blue Parrot on Monday nights than it is on Saturday afternoons. I ended up parking four blocks and an avenue away. At least the walk gave me time to finish my sandwich.

When I arrived I was told that I had only been blinded down 150. The table started laughing but I didn’t get the joke. It would have been more effective if I had be told the blind structure first. Instead, first they told me I was down 150 ... second that they were only kidding ... third that the blinds started at 10/20. Ha ha! Without knowing what the starting blinds were I really had no way of knowing if “150” was unreasonable. Anyway, I was only down 30 of my starting stack. (2000? 1500? I didn’t count or ask.) I took over as dealer because I was in the best position to do so (the table at the Parrot is much longer than it is wide). I managed to fumble the cards exactly zero times. asphnxma will never believe me.

Going clockwise around the table (starting on my left) were Mas, Toby, Derek, Toni, Ferrari, Pauly, Coach and Julie. For those counting: barely half of the players at the NYC Poker Blogger Invitational were, in fact, poker bloggers.

I took a few pots down early by being aggressive with my chips. I wasn’t calling, just raising. I became one of a series of people to push back at Ferrari. I was the only person willing to push back at Toni. My tight reputation was getting my raises plenty of respect at the table, so I wasn’t showing down anything. Then my cards went ice cold. I just folded for an eternity and waited for cards.

Pauly was the first to go down, the victim of a vicious one-two punch administered by Julie and Derek. Pauly raised preflop and only Julie stayed in with him. The flop had two Broadway cards and two clubs; Pauly bet the pot. Julie pondered for a bit then said I shouldn’t call but I’m going to. The rarely expressive Pauly’s face broke when the turn was 3♣. He checked the turn and Julie checked back.  (I may have the order backwards; I don’t recall where the button was.) The river was a brick and Pauly checked again. This time Julie threw about half the pot into the middle and Pauly, muttering I can’t believe she caught the flush mucked his cards. Julie offered to show her hand if Pauly wanted to see it. Pauly said yes and she turned over a busted gutshot draw. No clubs. No pair. Pauly looked like he got kicked in the stomach, but he took it like a man.  Not long after, Pauly reraised Derek all-in. Derek thought about it, looked at his tower of chips (and Pauly’s modest pile) and called, expecting a race. He flipped over AK and Pauly yelped Fuck! and turned over AQ. Brothers they may be, but they sure don’t collude. Pauly, out in 9th place.

A quick aside: I am often told that Brother of Ugarte and I look exactly alike. I don’t see it at all, but since strangers are always asking us if we are twins, I concede that I am wrong. Which brings me to Pauly and Derek. They don’t look exactly alike by any means, but they have the exact same eyes. If you only knew Pauly, hadn’t seen him for a few years and then ran into Derek, you would almost certainly say “Hey Pauly!” (or vice versa).

After Pauly busted out, attention turned to Ferrari as the shortstack at the table. He guaranteed that he would not be the next person out. With the swagger and gamesmanship that made Joe Namath famous, he then did not play another hand until Derek busted out Toby. I’m guessing he mucked aces at least once. He went out shortly after when he pushed with AK. Julie thought about it for a few seconds and then called with KJo. A jack on the flop sent Ferrari to the losers lounge happy with the way he played the hand. Julie blew off his attempt to discuss the wisdom of the call with the equivalent of Cameron Indoor Stadium chanting Scoreboard!

That said, the dominant theme of the day was Julie winning after making questionable calls. Her play on Pauly aside, she was almost always behind when the cards were turned over but she just kept winning. (One exception: Toni went runner-runner against Julie to add a flush to her pocket tens to stay in the game, but Julie never should have called her preflop raise with K6o.) That made the way I went out particularly painful.

Julie wiped out Mas by calling his push with 88 and catching her overcard, so we were down to 5. The blinds had climbed to 150/300. My cold cards had been coming for ages, so I was starting to steal blinds to stay afloat. I pushed with J8s, TT and AQ. I finally had enough that I didn’t have to make every move an all-in. Julie limped UTG. She had been limping all game with a wide range of starting hands. I had AJ and raised to 1000. Derek, Toni and Coach folded and Julie called. Do you hear the warning bells? I didn’t. When the flop came 7 high and Julie checked, I pushed. I figured that if she had a small pocket pair (or just a piece of that raggy flop) she would have to respect my preflop raise and get away from the hand. Based on her prior calls, I was thinking KQ, AT maybe 66… I call Aw crap. AA. I needed running spades or running jacks. When the turn was the not-jack of not-spades, I was drawing dead and out in 5th.

Derek has the rest of the action because he was there to see it. I took a few minutes to cool off and then joined the 2/4 ring game already in progress in the losers lounge. Congratulations to Julie and Toni, who chopped when the heads-up play dragged on for too long. There is also a report from Pauly but Mas and Toby have yet to write anything.

I bought in for $40, sat down and—as is typical of any time I play at the Parrot—I immediately got into a dispute with Ferrari. He wanted me to post in a five-handed game, but waited until after I had been dealt my cards to tell me. I remember playing 2/4 at the Parrot. People came and went from the game back in the day and never had to post. So of course Ferrari accused me of “violating a house rule.” Somehow I managed to refrain from telling him to fuck off. I think. Either way, they relented and two (folded) hands later I was the big blind.

I won a big hand off of Ferrari when I hit top pair with KTs. I had called his preflop raise from the BB and we capped the flop when it came K high. I knew that Ferrari didn’t have the king and I am sure that he didn’t think I had it. I suspect that he had jacks or a decent ace. He called my raise when the board paired 3s on the turn. He check-called on the river when a third three came out. Show me the king, said Ferrari. And I gladly did. Then I went to work on Toby, who didn’t deserve the beats she took.

I was in the big blind with K7s. Ferrari limped (I think) Toby raised and either Pauly or Mas called. Getting at least 5:1, I called as well. The flop was K high again and I check-raised Toby, who called. I immediately put her on a better king and was ready to slow down until I caught my second pair on the turn. I check-raised her again. The river was a brick and I bet out. She called What’s your kicker? My kicker is another pair, I replied.  Two hands later I took another big pot off of Toby when I flopped two pair with KT.  You are killing me with two pair!

I gave some of it back when I raised Mas’s blind with ATo and the flop missed me. I bet anyway, and he called. We checked the turn (brick) and when he bet the river (brick), I folded face up. Ferrari was shocked that I released a good ace, but I know that Mas defends his blinds like a mama bear with her cubs. He was going to call with ATC. When I explained my thinking, Mas admitted that he paired his 3 on the flop.

I leaked a little more to Ferrari when I made two pair on the flop, but he called and caught his flush on the turn. He says it was the river but he is wrong. Or he is a worse player than I give him credit for because he definitely wasn’t getting the odds to try for runner-runner. Either way, I was foolishly blind to the flush possibility until the fourth diamond hit on the river and it cost me extra bets.

Pauly and Toby burned through two stacks of $40. Mas finished +$22, I was +$23 and Ferrari took the rest of it. I don’t know where he got all of that damn money, because it didn’t look like he was winning many pots.  He had a lot of it when I sat down, but he went down and then back up. I’m starting to think he was sneaking chips off of my stack.

I followed up the NYC blogger event with a low-stakes Super Bowl poker tournament at my place, so the poker keeps on coming. That report will be up in a day or two.

I was a late arrival to the table. I had a 7:00 show at The Duplex and decided to stick around after my set to watch some of the other comics. It is both a courteous thing to do and a good way of seeing what is out there. I also met Alex House and chatted with her about Tuesday’s meeting of the New York Comedians Coalition. It is good to see how many comics in the city are supporting the movement.

Anyway, I had the foresight to register in advance so I didn’t get shut out. Just a little blinded off. So, what did I miss before my arrival…
QKo ... 64s (this was the hand that knocked out the first player. lifesagrind went all-in preflop with AKo against DropDHammer‘s AA.) ... 92o ... A6o (I actually won this hand. I was in the big blind and the table folded to me. Inexplicable, actually. By this point it was clear that I was sitting out but larryvq still folded instead of raising me. Some bully! He finished in 19th, though, so maybe I shouldn’t give him too hard a time.) ... A8o ... T3o ... Q2s ... 42o ... KK (Dammit!) ... J3s ... KJo ... 85o ... JTo ... Q9s ... KQs (Dammit!) ... Q2s ... And then I arrived for Q3o. Fold.

It soon became obvious that Trafficant was the table bully. Not only was he raising preflop often, he was berating the table. He decided to pretend that he ended up in the tournament by accident and had his share of anti-blogger comments:

Trafficant: score one for the blog haters
* * *
Trafficant: i hate the internet
* * *
Trafficant: i remember the good old days when clueless ***ks kept their dumb opions to themselves. now they all have poker blogs.
* * *
Trafficant: blogs are like a cowboy hat, sooner or later every ******* gets one
* * *
aboutmattlaw: word is Iggy is out in case folks are interested in that stuff
Trafficant: word is bloggers all suck
Ugarte’s: yawn, trafficant, yawn

Even though I accused him of shining us on, he persisted in his ruse. He persisted even though his reference to “the drunk midget that put the tournament together” blew his cover. He wanted to have fun, though, so there was no point in getting too beligerent in response.

As all of that was going on, I was slowly bleeding away. We were now on Level 3 (25/50) and my cards were awful. It turns out that I had much more playable stuff before I sat down. Between the blinds and a series of missed flops, I was down to 970 and had to make a move. When I got AQo on the button, I raised it to 200. BigSlickNut - who I barely had covered - made a minimum raise to 400. I pushed. He called and turned over Presto! (pocket fives). I caught a king and a ten on the flop and then a jack on the turn to make my broadway straight, (almost) double up and knock out BigSlickNut in 121st. I’m with asphnxma - he really should have pushed those fives. I probably would have called, but the minimum raise was the wrong play with his stack size.

Not much was going on with my play, but I did get a pleasant surprise when stannum50 joined the table, which led to another round of chat:

stannum50: hey ugarte, been reading you for ages, dont take all my chips k?
asphnxma [observer]: ugarte has a reader?
Ugarte’s: you’re the guy?
asphnxma [observer]: who knew!
Trafficant: who the hell is ugarte
asphnxma [observer]: lol
stannum50: yeah, well, i can only read the small words. i write in small words too
Trafficant: what self respecting person would call themself ugarte?

Obviously Trafficant was continuing his ruse, but I have to quibble with one thing: when did I ever say that I was self-respecting. (Also, that plural pronoun was out of place.)

Trafficant then started criticizing everybody’s play. And getting even ruder. This got people fighting back.

Trafficant: now you blogmonkeys are really unlucky. im done with the real tournament. can focus on this low $ piece of crap.
stannum50: dont waste your itme on our account
Ugarte’s: so we are really unlucky because you lost somewhere else?
TNSpaceman: ha
squaptor: nice
aboutmattlaw [observer]: I’m not even playing anymore, and you’re still driving me nuts, Trafficant
stannum50: we arent worth it, really

Trafficant annoyed Artoch so much that he put a knockout bounty on Trafficant: $10 and a half-empty pack of Pall Mall Reds.

By this time I had pissed away half of my chips again and I was down to 800. Push or fold territory. So when I was dealt A♦T♦ in the cutoff, I went over the top of Trafficant’s raise all-in. He had to call, and turned over KQo. The flop had two diamonds but no other help. The turn was a king, leading Trafficant to start cheering for his bounty, but the 9♦ was my money card. Doubled up again.

Soon after, Otis joined the table and sat down as the table’s chip leader. I didn’t make the Vegas trip, so I don’t know as many of the other bloggers as some of my friends do. But CJ and Otis were the first poker bloggers that I found when I googled “poker blog” and the first guys to link me. Now that Otis is doing so well, I am very happy for him. I appreciated this exchange also (even though it went on amidst yet another “poker lesson” from Trafficant after he sucked out on Artoch’s AQ with AT):

OtisBDart: How’s the business of being charles star?
Ugarte’s: not bad. good set before the tournament. set went better than the cards
OtisBDart: good.  hope to catch your act someday if i can make to the city

Trafficant finally copped to his identity (because he wanted to email Otis) and that calmed the table down somewhat. He did keep harrassing TNSpaceman about his play, though, which probably made it extra sweet for TNSpaceman (KQs) when he called Trafficant’s all-in (77) and caught a king on the turn. I don’t know if Artoch stuck around long enough for TNSpaceman to collect the Trafficant bounty. Or if TNSpaceman smokes. (Jason and Matt, by the way, have been sniping away at each other on their respective blogs. No love lost between those guys.)

I was bouncing between stealing blinds and getting blinded. I had respect at the table because I was playing tight. If I were smarter I would have stolen more blinds, but I did not. I soon found myself back at 900 and at Level 7 the antes started. I couldn’t afford to pay 25 a hand or get pushed around. So the first thing I did when I sat down was say hi. i’m shortstacked. please don’t raise my blinds. And when I looked across the table, there was CJ—and he had even more chips than Otis. Those guys can play.

I certainly couldn’t afford to have Spock326 moved to my table with a huge stack. Because Spock326 is Signor Ferrari, and I knew that he would be licking his chops at the prospect of chewing up my blinds. That is just what happened, though. He sat down and instantly said bring it ugarte to which I could only reply bring it with what? I stole the blinds from UTG just so I could pay my next round and, as expected, Ferrari raised my big blind. I had K5o - and I probably should have pushed - but I wouldn’t have been able to face Ferrari today at the NYC blogger event (especially in front of Pauly) if he bounced me from the WPBT. K5o wasn’t worth the risk.

I stole blinds twice - with AQo and ATs - but when I pushed with KJo, easy_wind called with ATo and bounced me when neither of us got any help. I placed a bounty on myself in Pauly’s comments section - a comedy album/book to be named - and once I choose it, it will be on its way to Sommerville, Massachusetts. I have to admit that I was disappointed when easy_life went out just a few spots ahead of me. I was hoping he would take my coin farther than that.

I hung around and watched the end of the tournament, but the first thing I saw was Ferrari tilt away his stack. It was a surprise, because Ferrari is a very good player. Between you and me, I think he is a better player than I am - but I don’t think he plays me particularly well. It started with a typical hand - I don’t remember whether Ferrari had QQ or AA - but whichever one he had, he doubled someone up. Even if he was behind, getting all of his chips in was the right play, so whether it was a bad beat or a brutal preflop reveal, it started the downhill slide. A few hands later he raised UTG with 22 only to be called by a shortstack with 88. Those two beats left him well below average, but strong enough to wait for a hand. He didn’t wait, though, and pushed K9s - which didn’t hold up. Like I said - Icarus.

Congratulations to Kid Anonymous who had the greatest run of cards I’ve ever seen when the table got down to three players.

Final finish for the NYC bloggers participating in tonights tournament:

25: Toby
38: Ugarte
62: Pauly
104 Derek
105: Mas (who sent his brother in his place)
114: Coach (He got knocked out right before I went looking for him to sweat his action.)
127: asphnxma (who, tragically, won’t be able to play today)
???: Monte Christo (I don’t know if he even played in the WPBT.)

Joaquin just announced that he has a wedding to go to, so he won’t be at the NYC Invitational. He has been replaced by Toni. Nixma’s seat has been taken by Julie, who has proven herself tournament tough.

I showed up late because I wanted to check out Invite Them Up, a weekly Wednesday night show hosted by Eugene Mirman and Bobby Tisdale. It really is a great show. For $5 you get to see some of the best young comics working today. I hope to get booked into this show soon, but the comics they usually get are (a) friends of the hosts and (b) much more experienced than I am. Fingers crossed.

I made it to A.M. just before 11 and bought in late; I had missed two levels so I forfeited 225 of my initial 2000 in missed blinds. And then sat down in the big blind for another 100. I didn’t get cards worth playing for two full orbits - which didn’t stop me from limping in from the SB once ... and throwing away my cards as soon as the flop came down. I was soon down below 1300 without playing a single hand.

The room was freezing - the result of a door left wide open by the smokers - and I had made the ill-thought-out decision to wear a short-sleeved shirt. To the extent that shaking hands is a tell, I was giving out false signals all night. I was knocking over my stacks and fumbling with my bets because I couldn’t feel my fingers and wouldn’t admit to myself that I should just put my coat on indoors. Everyone was affected; the normal reactions just weren’t there. I don’t know if I can translate it to the page, but imagine an all-in hand where the shortstack moves in with AT and gets called by AK.

Now imagine a T on the flop. Then imagine a K on the river to bounce the shortstack.

Now imagine that each of these revelations is met by the table with the same shock/excitement/noise as if someone had announced “I like my pancakes with syrup.”

In any event, I got my stack from 1300 to 3500 by aggressive bets on flops and turns and, when the tournament went from two tables to one, I moved to the final table. asphnxma was already gone. What followed was a pathetic run of bad fortune interrupted by one good hand.

Every time I was in the big blind a short stack moved all-in. Every time it happened I was sitting on a shitty hand. Every time it happened the pot odds demanded that I call the small raise. Every time it happened, the shortstack’s hand held up, doubled up courtesy of yours truly. The only good luck I had at all was - in the middle of paying other people off - having my crabs hold up against AK when I pushed. Nobody pushed with other people in the big blind; somehow it was always my responsibility to make the call and—pot odds be damned—the cards didn’t come through for me once.

Eventually it caught up with me. As the blinds climbed higher and higher, I pushed in with ATs. Sporto, the big stack by a large margin, pushed to isolate with KQo. Strangely, Jed called with his medium stack and A8. The flop brought a king and I busted out in fifth place (and Jed left with me in fourth).

I stuck around to deal the longest head’s up match I’ve ever seen, with Sporto finally knocking out Tiger.

I’ll tell you this: Committed, shmomitted. Fuck pot odds. I’m dumping shitty big blinds next time. Why do I have to be the table cop?

My roommate from law school is from Texas so, as is typical of Texans with means, his parents have a second home in a Colorado ski town. It is beautiful. A log cabin home that should be on a postcard. It sits in an semi-isolated development nestled in a forest of aspens. The rooms are large, the flow is well thought out, the insulation perfect. There is a home theater system with a large plasma flat-screen TV and surroundsound. It is only 10 miles from the mountain. And it has a table large enough to accomodate an 11 person game of hold ‘em.

I took charge of the game and acted as the dealer. This seemed like the right thing to do since I had to explain how “blinds” and “the button” worked to most of the table. No worries; these guys were all sharp and I didn’t have to explain anything more than once. The only concept they never really seemed to understand was “to call a bluff, you probably need an actual hand yourself.” The highlight of the night for me was when one player, holding pocket fours, called an all-in bet on a board of K-J-8-6-5 ... and won the hand from a player holding A7. I knew he was bluffing!, claimed the caller, apparently not aware that bluffing in that scenario easily could have meant, say, Q5. It was a pretty soft table but I couldn’t really take advantage of it.

I tried. I reviewed the cards at showdown forlornly. Almost all of the pots were limped and I repeatedly had to stare at my cards in the muck as I watched two pair come on the flop or a straight come on a cheaply-seen turn. I watched Brother of Ugarte dominate the table as he saw most flops and got handsomely paid when he connected. Once in a pot, these fellows were tough to chase out. Still, I played my usual tight game to my own detriment. Once a scorpion, always a scorpion, I guess. I finished the first day up $12 (on a $10 buy-in). I finished the second day up an additional $7. It could have been so much more; Brother of Ugarte turned his first $10 into an astonishing $80.

When I returned to New York I saw that there was a blogger tournament coming up on Poker Stars so I fired up Stars to check my balance. $4.13. Not enough to play a single SNG. I suddenly remembered why I hadn’t played at Stars in so long. So I sat down at a .02/.04 limit table just to screw around. After winning 10 big bets on the first hand I played, I proceeded to turn my $2 buyin to $1.46 in no time at all. What the hell happened to my limit game? I know that microlimit tables are sort of a joke because nobody folds, but that is why I should be killing the table. Somehow the joke ended up on me because I wasn’t folding either. Can’t do that anymore. It cripples the confidence without imparting any worthwhile lessons. “Stop being a sucker” is more of a life lesson than a poker lesson and I don’t need life lessons from a poker table with a $2 buyin. Anyway, I’ve reloaded the account and I’ll see you suckers on February 2.

On Wednesday I played a lot of poker. After a good 10 minute set at Otto’s Shrunken Head, I headed over to A.M. for the weekly tournament. Prior to the tournament, I received the following message from asphnxma: Happy Birthday, dickhead! I’ll let you steal my blinds ONCE tomorrow night in celebration. So I had that goin’ for me, which was nice. Unfortunately I spent my entire (brief) stay in the tournament on Nixma’s left. So he kept stealing my blinds. Happy fucking birthday to me.

I didn’t play poorly, but I didn’t play well either. In any event, nothing worked out. There were only 12 players willing to brave the bone-chilling cold, so we started six-handed at two tables. When the action came to me (at 25/50) with a raise to 150 from the notoriously aggresive Chief, I reraised to 400. I figured Chief for a baby ace, so when he called and caught an A on the flop, I got away from the hand. I knew a reraise wouldn’t do any good here. He had me figured for pocket paint and was disappointed to get nothing after the flop.

He got me again later when he played 5♦ 3♦ in a limped pot and caught two pair on the turn. I was forced to bet my A♣8♣ when I saw a flop of A♠-3♠-2♦ and got nervous when Chief check-called. His penchant for playing baby aces is well known and I was worried that I was looking at 2 pair already. I foolishly called his underbet on the turn (a 5, giving him the 2 pair I was already worried that he had). He checked the river and I got away without investing any more money, but it wasn’t my greatest play. A bet on the river (Q) may have won me the hand, but I played scared and lost.

My tournament ended sadly when, with only 625 of my starting 2000 remaining, I pushed A2s from the big blind (at 50/100). Nixma, who had limped from the small blind, said Happy Birthday. This is a loose call. And exposed A3s! Jerk. An ace on the flop meant we would almost certainly chop ... unless I get my three on the river ... and there it is. Thanks again for the birthday present, Nix. Remind me to give you a steaming turd at your next natal day.

I stuck around to play .25/.50 NL ring with Tiger, the late-arriving Moug, Finkelstein (the host of my R Bar shows) and Jay. This was a great home game simulation because we were laughing a lot and tossing chips around. The play was smart without being serious. Two hands and I’ll be on my way.

JJ in the big blind. Tiger raised from the cutoff to $1.50 and Moug and I called. The flop was J-7-6. I bet $2; Tiger called, but Moug folded. The turn was another 6. I think I raised Tiger and he folded. For some reason I showed my jacks. Moug breathed a huge sigh of relief and showed his 76s You would have had my stack! He would have been happy to go home with that thought, but Tiger went rabbit hunting and turned over the case six on the now-hypothetical river. I think Moug is still crying.

On the last hand of the night, I was dealt K♦7♦ in the big blind. Tiger and Moug called blind because it was the last hand of the night. The flop was A♦-J-x and the action checked to Tiger, who fired $1.50 into the pot.

Moug: Are you still playing blind?
Tiger: Yes.
Ugarte: Fuck it. I’ll call against a random hand.

After I checked the turn (another diamond), Tiger looked at his cards. When I asked why he was looking at his cards now, he admitted that he had looked after the flop. In his defense, he believed that he had so obviously looked at his hand that he thought Moug’s question was a joke. He offered to let me take back my bet. When I declined he checked back to me. And let me catch the nut flush on the river. I actually didn’t remember if I had diamonds or hearts, so I checked my hand and bet $2. I decided not to push him because I didn’t want to take his stack after he checked the turn out of guilt. He called with AQ. As a result of that last hand, I finished with $20.25 and a net profit of two bits.

Actually, the best part of the ring game was listening to Nixma try to explain why a player had just won a substanital pot had played the hand poorly. He was getting increasingly frustrated as his analysis - impeccable as always - was met with the last refuge of the stooge: I won the hand, didn’t I? I hope he writes it up, because it was hilarious to listen to, even though I am sure his blood was boiling for a lot of the trip home.

Unwilling to end my poker night on such an unprofitable note, I loaded up Poker Stars and played a couple of $5+.50 SNGs. (By the way, this is a huge advantage over Party where the juice on the $5 SNGs is $1.) I finished in 5th in the first one but won the second after an amazing run of all-ins in the space of 27 hands:

22 beat rrider45’s A9s (up to 2915)
AQo lost to rrider45’s QTs (back to 1225)
KQo steals blinds (up to 1725)
A8o beat JAMT’s J8s (2950)
AJs beat rrider45’s A3s (3980)
AJs beat JAMT’s JTs (6840)
K6o beat jsuds’s check-call with A4o after I pushed a flop of K-5-4 (11420)

After I got heads up with EZEZEZ with a 5:1 chip lead, it was easy. EZEZEZ is possibly the worst heads-up player I’ve ever seen. I just raised preflop every time and slowly bled him away. He won one all in when I raised him all-in with a draw that didn’t come, but I stole his blinds back to his former level and when he finally decided to call another big bet, it was after I had turned the nut straight after he made a minimum bet with top pair on the flop. So I am up on my most recent deposit at Poker Stars. Bully for me.

That’s right, no alcohol. For some reason these guys don’t drink when they play poker. It is pretty amazing, actually, because I get the feeling that under the right circumstances (i.e., any other time) these boys would pound the bottle hard. But if they aren’t drinking, I’m not drinking - which is a pity. Even though it makes the drive home safer.

I showed up at A.M. II at 10:15PM after making a quick stop at R Bar. (More on that in a later post.) Sporto, The Chief, Frogman, Maverick and Combo were there already so we decided to start up with six. Nixma showed up as Sporto was distributing chips. Deke showed up at around midnight. We play .25/.50 NL and typically buy in for $20.

The night was a strange one. I made a commitment to myself that I would stop being such a pussy at the table. I would lay down my hand when I had to but I would play aggressive and strong. Induce folds with real bets at big pots, not just cheap steals of tiny limped pots. Make draws pay real money to come from behind. Loosen up starting hands a little so that my game isn’t so damn predictable. I started on the button. As is true of most of the night, I don’t remember the play. I may have raised preflop. I know that I bet the flop and the turn and the table folded to my bet on the turn. So far, so good.

I picked up a couple more small pots on the first orbit. The button had rotated back to me when I looked down and saw KQo. I joined a few limpers and limped my button. Combos (long story) was on my left in the small blind and he made it $2 to go. All of the limpers threw away their hands and started discussing whether he had nines or tens. I let the table talk get to me and I decided to play my overcards. The flop was Q-J-J and Combos bet $2. I immediately raised him to $7 and he called. Alarm bells should have been going off. The turn was an ace. I had a feeling that Combos didn’t like the card, so when he checked to me, I bet $15. He thought long and hard and pushed. Now I figured that I was beat, but he only had .75 behind my bet so I had to call. He had Kings. I had two outs to a win and four to a chop, but the river was a brick and I found myself down to roughly $6. I saw for myself why asphnxma has dubbed KQo “Kournikova“: looks great, but never wins.

I could have rebought, but I decided that since I played myself into this mess, I’d play myself out of it. It worked. I don’t remember how it worked, but it worked. I built my $6 back up to $23 by playing solid poker, showing down the best hands and getting good folds. The only hand I remember was a push with Q9 on a checked-to-the-river board of T-x-x-x-9 that The Chief called with J9.

While I was riding the rollercoaster, asphnxma was falling off of a cliff. Nix dropped $60 in roughly two hours. That is only two big bets for our high-rolling friend, but losing your stack after rebuying twice is a sign to anyone except The Chief that it is time to leave the table. (And The Chief always makes it back. Unless we are playing Omaha.) His place at the table was soon taken by late addition Stoney who, true to his name, sparked up shortly after his arrival. No alcohol doesn’t mean no vice, after all.

Then I lost it all again. I don’t remember this hand at all. All I know is that I was down to $2.50. That seemed like too deep a hole, so I pulled out another twenty.

After the rebuy, I started playing very well again. I built the $20 to almost $60. I was betting hard and taking people out. I was juicing the pot preflop when I wanted action and hitting my hands. I lost $15 to The Chief when he check-called me on the turn of one hand, but I was able to let it go when he pushed the river because I knew that I was beat.

Then I almost lost it all again. Before I get to me, though, a moment for Stoney. He had a pretty erratic night also. After starting the night up, he found himself down to $6, so he pushed all-in. Chief called him in the dark and doubled him up. With over $100 in front of him, he figured he could fuck around. Two hands later, Stoney pushed again - this time on the flop - and again got a call from The Chief. From $6 to almost $30 in an eyeblink. It took a little while, but about fifteen minutes later it occurred to Chief - after doubling up Tiger - that he was bleeding away all of the money he had spent the night winning and almost all of his blue $5 chips had been distributed all around the table. It didn’t stop him, though. Stoney eventually lost most of his chips and found himself with less than $10 again, so when he got a hand, he pushed again. Chief looked at his hand and said I’m behind, but I’ll call. I’ve got nines. I laughed flicked my big blind into the pot and mucked my cards face up: 9♥6♥. Stoney turned over AQo (black) and Chief turned over his nines, er, 9♦6♦. Chief instantly apologized because he wouldn’t have called an all-in with such junk and winning a hand like that is just wrong. When he spiked a black six on the river, Chief apologized again. And then took down the pot.

After Stoney busted out, we decided to finish the orbit and then break up the game. It was a wild last orbit. Tiger had cashed out (down about a buck) but had been hanging around, hoping that the game would break up and I would give him a ride downtown. We eventually convinced him to sit back down for the last few orbits, so we were five handed (Sporto having decided to retire to his room to play World of Warcraft.)

I became a raising machine. Oddly enough, every hand I raised with was a legit raising hand in a short-handed game. The first time everybody folded. The second, I got callers who folded when I bet the flop, but were sure that I was full of crap. The third hand was a brief interlude where I folded to Chief’s raise, Tiger pushed and lost all of his chips to Chief. (NB: His free ride home just cost him $20.) On the next hand I got screwed by the flop and had to fold my ace. Then it happened again. After screwed by the flop twice, I decided to limp my ATo. The flop had two kings and Deke bet $1. I was pretty sure that I had the best hand, though I shouldn’t have been. Deke often makes small value bets on the flop when he knows he is ahead, hoping for a raise. He got the raise from me on the turn. He bet another dollar when a brick came out and I raised him to $6. He pushed, I let it go and he showed me his king.

Next hand (and the second to last hand of the night): Pocket eights, so I raised to $2.50 to thin the field. No dice. FOUR CALLERS! And the flop had a damn ace (A-6-3♦.) I probably should have bet, but knew that I’d have to shut down if I got callers. (That is more reason to bet. You had position. -ed. Yeah, yeah.) 7♦ on the turn. Deke and Chief checked so fast that I was sure I was being trapped, so I checked again. The river was the T♦ and Deke bet out $5. I said I can’t believe that I’m going to pay you off again, assuming that he figured it was time to bet his ace and made the crying call. He flipped over K♦4♦ for the runner-runner flush that I let him catch for free. Chief said that he checked his small ace, figuring that I’d check-raise him. I had gone from $50 to ~$18 in about six hands.

Last hand of the night. Chief raised to $1.50. I took a peek and saw something I hadn’t seen all night: bullets. So I just pushed all-in. If all I got were the blinds and Chief’s raise, so be it. The fast-and-loose turn the game had taken told me that I was going to get a call. Around the table:

Frogman: Bullshit (muck)
Deke: Let me think about this ... I really want to call, but I’m afraid [Chief] is going to call ... (muck)
Chief: [Banter to draw me out] Call.

He had me on a small pair and was willing to race for my stack on the last hand of the night with KJo. He didn’t get any help, though, so I doubled up to close the night and ended up down only $1.50 for the night. For such a mild finish, you would never guess that a flowchart of my chip count would look like an EKG.

Poker does get the heart racing, though.

The biggest hole in my game (and I discover a new one in every session) is my reluctance to push unless I am shortstacked and committed to pushing. It is a good enough strategy for limping to the final table, and it has worked for me in the past. A well timed double-up after making final table in 6th position has pushed me to the cash in one-third of the tournaments I have played at A.M. Still, it is a weak way to play and would get me chewed up against better competition. Timidity can be costly.

My flight got in late, so BOU and I had to drive like crazy to get to the tournament on time. Which we didn’t. But it was still level 1 and there were still enough seats to accomodate us, so we joined in. At this point I lose BOU’s story. We were placed at different tables and one of us didn’t last long enough to be moved.

My first hand at the table generated a laugh. AQo in MP, I raised to 200 (blinds at 25/50). Pretty obnoxious for a first hand, but Group 2 is Group 2, right? Everyone assumed that I was full of shit and hooted at the raise. I got three callers to see a flop of K-x-x. Useless. Victor bet 200 out of the big blind and I let my hand go. More hooting from the table, but a very good laydown. Victor was holding the correct x-x for two pair and, as the rest of the game would indicate, it is almost impossible to knock Victor off of a hand.

I got back above level and more when I got heads-up against asphnxma, who was on my immediate left. I limp-called his raise to 250 with AJs. The flop was Q high. I took a long time before checking, hoping that the delay was enough to cause Nixma to check also but really fearing that I had just lost the hand with my indecision. He checked back to me, unsure of what sort of hand I would (a) limp-call with and (b) not be obligated to bet out the flop. The turn was a blank and I checked again. Nixma went through the same decision making process and decided to check back a second time. The river was a J.  No hesitation this time; I fired a big bet (500? 1000?) into the pot. Now Nixma was lost. He claims that I was a carnival of tics when the flop came down: so much so that he figured I caught a monster and was FAKING indecision. Now, with the big bet on the river he wasn’t so sure. So he called with KJ. That loss left him crippled and in need of a quick double-up. I’ll let him tell you about the rest of the hands he played, but I can tell you about one he didn’t.

A few hands later, the table limped to BkynPlague on the button, sitting on my immediate right. He thought about raising, but decided not to, saying [asphnxma] would just push, so I’m not going to play this hand. Thanks, Plague, because otherwise I would have completed my blind and been forced to call Nixma with the crappy cards in front of me. I’m not sure asphnxma is as thankful, though.

I don’t remember the rest of how I built my stack, but (not surprisingly) I do remember how I lost my chips. The table limped to me in the big blind with 94o. Obviously, this is the only circumstance in which I would play this hand, but with a hand like that it is hard to beat a flop of 9-8-5. I fired 200 into the pot. The table folded around to Victor, who called. The turn was another 9. Check-raise time. Victor bet 200 and I immediately bumped it to 700. Victor called. The river? 6. Shit. I know, from the way Victor has been playing (ATC, underbetting the pot, unwise calls) that the only question in my mind is “Did Victor get a pair of sixes or hit his gutshot.” I checked, Victor bet 1000 and I made the crying call. J7o. Forget about the fact that he played JACK-SEVEN OFFSUIT at all. He called the flop and the turn with ONE overcard, no flush possibility and a gutshot draw. Grrr. I got it back from him later, but I lost a lot of ground to the field.

A word about Victor. If you have the opportunity to experience this guy, do it. He is wicked funny. If you see his name on a marquee, stop in. Also, he is a calling station. If you have a chance to play poker against him, definitely do that. Maybe go to a show and invite him to a game after his set.

I busted out of the tournament against BkynPlague in level 3. Plague was once again on the button when the table folded to him (actually, Victor probably limped - he always limped) and he button raised from 150 to 500. I had AQ again and seeing how well Big Chick worked for me on the first hand of the day, I popped him back for another 500. He announced that he had a pair, tried to read me - possibly looking for the tics that asphnxma so helpfully mentioned - and called. The flop was 9-2-2 and I bet another 1000. This puzzled Plague no end, becuase he didn’t see my greens (500) or my stack of whites (25) when he called my preflop bet. Had he realized how much I had behind my raise he would have let his threes go. Now, though, he felt committed to the hand and pushed back all in. As committed as he was, I was even more so. I only had 900 left after my bet, so I called and hoped for help. None came and I was out in ~16th place.

Plague would have let his hand go preflop if I raised him all-in. He almost certainly would have let his hand go post-flop if I pushed all-in. Victor probably would have let his gutshot draw go if I had check-raised him all-in. By trying to have my cake and eat it too, I was letting people catch cards on me when I was strong AND read me for weakness. I had better right this ship and soon. Alas, I didn’t fix the leak that night.

A word about the tics. asphnxma is free to think he has a read on me now. I don’t think the tics are going to do it, though. As far as I can tell, I am all tics whether the flop hits me hard, misses me completely or gives me bottom pair with a runner-runner nut flush draw. I’ve always feared that I was easy to read but my results have always indicated otherwise. The future will tell if asphnxma - or Plague, for that matter, can read me. So far I don’t think I’m bad enough to read. Or good enough to read.

Anyway, after the tournament ended I slid over to the ring game in the Loser’s Lounge. BOU wasn’t playing because the fucker outlasted me. Not only did he outlast me, but from where I was sitting I could see a solid stack of greens in front of him. I like to think that I want Zinester and BOU to do well at these tournaments with me, but seeing that stack in front of my brother made me wicked jealous. My soul is safe because I was still rooting for him.

Ring. There should be more to tell, but the memory is fading fast. I had been playing strong poker and was up a few bucks early, but lost my first buy-in of $20 in a heads-up hand with asphnxma.  I had (I believe) either TP or an overpair. He had a more in front of him than I did, so I thought I had a good chance of doubling through since I was pretty sure that my pair was good. I don’t remember all of the betting on the turn, I just remember that I raised him by pushing the last $4 I had back at him. He called and, as I suspected, my pair was good. Then I lost when he hit his gutshot on the river. At first I was really pissed. He had definitely put chips into the pot before the action on the turn and all he had was a gutshot draw! Then Nixma pointed out that he also had 9 flush outs and two overcards. Just one of those hands where both people play it right but one has to lose. Still, I don’t like it when it is me. And if I had pushed before he bet the turn, he may not have had the odds to call. Sigh.

I lost my second stack by failing to push and letting Frogman catch a card on the turn against me. I had an overpair on the flop (9-7-6) against Frogman’s A7 and I didn’t raise enough to knock him off of his middle pair. The turn was an A and I was too stupid to let my hand go. Again, a push on the flop would have won the hand but I was too timid to make the right play.

Still, it was the best night of poker in a while. The UCB game is full of guys who can really generate laughter and who appreciate a smart joke. It is really my element. Nixma is having second thoughts about the tournament because it is simultaneously (my words, not his) largely beneath his skill level and sort of a crapshoot. I expect it is worth it for him to keep coming back, though, becuase the ring game is usually so much fun. He said that he would write about his ambivalence himself, and I hope he does. Look for it over on his blog.

I thought that there were portents of a good night. The A.M. game is at an office near the corner of 23d and 7th and starts at 10:30. At 10:03 I was just getting into my car in Brooklyn, with the traffic on Flatbush and the bridge before I hit the often gridlocked Manhattan streets. I was worried enough to call asphnxma so that he would save me a seat at the game. But I found a little known warp drive on the dash of my car and I was in the fifth floor office holding my chips by 10:22.

We got 23 players last night, so we had our first three-table tournament in a while. I ended up at seat 5 at the crappy long table with asphnxma on my left in seat 6, a cute first-time player named Jonna on my right in 4. Frogman, (the nicknameless) Jay and Sporto were in seats 1, 2 and 3 and Tiger in 7. A lot of good players at the table.

Jonna was playing in her first poker tournament, and quite possibly her first poker game. She had the ranking of hands on a cheat sheet that she didn’t bother to hide and tried to bet a small chip (25) on numerous occassions, even though the starting blinds were 25/50 and kept going up. (This anecdote has been revised to reflect asphnxma’s better memory. -ed.) She limped in UTG on the first hand, and then called Nixma’s raise to 200. Her limp and her call were both preceded by Sporto’s instructions. You can fold, call or raise at least the amount of the blind. After the flop came down A-2-5 [with two hearts], another lesson in options came from Sporto, followed by a check from Jonna. Never say that asphnxma takes it easy on the women at the table, as he immediately fired 400 into the pot. This immediately sent Sporto and Frogman jockeying to see who could give her rules instructions, while halfheartedly trying to steer clear of improper advice. I don’t think they succeeded. Sporto clearly won the jockeying contest like so:

Sporto: He’s been betting the whole way, so he is representing an ace. But I can’t tell you what to do with your hand. [Much laughter from the table]

Sporto: Is that OK to say, [asphnxma]? [More laughter]

asphnxma: ~*~ (That, for the record, is a shrug. It may be used in a variety of contexts. (c) 2004.)

Jonna called anyway, so asphnxma shut down on the turn and the river. Jonna checked it down also, so asphnxma avoided any further difficult decisions. I don’t think he regrets the shutdown [- even though running hearts gave asphnxma a flush with his A9♥ -] because Jonna turned over 4♦3♦ for a flopped straight. [Not surprisingly, asphnxma didn’t feel comfortable enough with a 9-high flush to push into a likely caller with a four-flush on the board.]

Everyone was very kind to Jonna and the way she played the hand, but wouldn’t have been as kind to anyone else (particularly a less attractive “anyone else.") Jonna limped and then called a preflop raise with 43s. She flopped a straight, but neither check-raised asphnxma, nor bet the turn or river after calling him on the flop with the nuts. I think that a [A] heart on the river would have given [gave] asphnxma a backdoor flush, and Jonna likely would have called a push on the river as well.  She won [lost] the hand, but didn’t get much value [probably could have won it with more aggressive betting on the flop or turn] AND [she] had to show down a weak starting hand.

Jonna is a newbie, though. I’ve been playing for a while and I still appear unable to learn from the past. I can’t shake myself from playing a super-tight game. It allows me to rally back from a short stack (accounting for my good tournament results) but invariably leaves me shortstacked to begin with. It is a silly way to play and I hope to someday get past it. Last night was not that day. Bad cards and bad flops were killing me, and I was playing too tight to accumulate any chips. Stealing blinds in front of asphnxma is tricky and I couldn’t bring myself to just play a few hands without worrying about getting caught in a bluff.

I dwindled down to 1100 by the start of level 3 and started the level in the BB for 200. Jay pushes his last 500 and the table left it to me to police the short stack. I looked down to see QJo and decided that I had to call. Jay flipped A♦7♦. Flop is J♦-x-x, putting me in the lead. Turn is a brick, but another ♦. And the river is the 7♦, giving Jay the flush. Almost. Just as we started pushing the chips to Jay, Sporto noticed that Jay not only made a flush, he made the rare “Pair of 7♦”. Whoops. I dealt the hand, but Frogman dealt the flop from the second deck. Run it again, this time out of my deck. This time I paired my Q on the flop and it held up. Sorry, Jay.

We move to two tables and then I get moved again when we get down to 12 players. It is saying a lot about my game that I have no information to add about that extended period. OK, it wasn’t all that extended, because we were still on level 3 when I got moved. If you are paying attention, you also know that things don’t go very well from here. There are six players at the table, but only Nixma and NewGuy (to me) have any chips to speak of. And they have a LOT of chips. I am sitting well below average with ~1650, and I have to kick 200 in for my big blind two hands after I sit down. Two players, including NewGuy, limp in and - seeing a perfect opportunity to steal a quick 500 - I push. I didn’t know anything about the NewGuy except that he had a huge pile of chips, so I just assumed that he wasn’t the type of player that would limp with the sort of hand that would let him call a raise of two times the pot. Turns out I was wrong. He was a calling station that kept hitting cards. He thinks about it for a while and calls ... with K9o. I know that he was ahead, but can we agree that this was an AWFUL call? He had only committed 200 of his (roughly) 8,000,000 chips. Whatever. No help for me and I’m out in 12th.

Ring:

The biggest problem with my tournament continued to be my biggest flaw in the baby NL ring in the Loser’s Lounge: I was a pussy when I had small aces. I know that playing small aces is considered -EV, but when played selectively, they can be very strong. The ring was only five handed, so playing small aces was almost demanded. Still, I wasn’t playing them and the blinds were coming so quickly I felt like I should just exchange all of my chips for .25 whites.

I loosened up a little, though, and played Q♣9♣ in the cutoff. Four people saw the limped pot. The flop is Q-J♣-T and the action checks to me. I made a pot-sized bet (top pair, open-ended straight and backdoor flush draws) and ($2) Corey check-calls. The turn is a 9, but it probably gives Corey the straight he was drawing to. He bets only $2 into a $6 pot, so I feel like I have to call with my 2 pair. I have Q and 9 outs to a full house, K outs to a probable chopped pot, and, if he doesn’t have the straight, outs with the 8 as well. The river is a vexing card: another T. But he only bets another $2, so - even though it smells like a value bet - I feel like I have to call again. He flips over 88. He hit his gutshot on the turn. Damnit, a pot sized bet is supposed to knock out an underpair with a gutshot draw! A push on the turn may have gotten him to fold, but probably would have just cost me my stack. At least I was able to show Charlie and Frogman that I wasn’t bluffing the flop.

L