Where things can get pretty igry ...Rick's Cafe Americain

5/9/07

I have a bad cut on my knee. I hurt it riding my bike over the weekend. I have a bad history with bicycles, so this is par for the course. It all falls under the theme of “Did the person who used the expression “it’s like riding a bicycle” to describe how easy it is to restart an old activity ever ACTUALLY take a long hiatus from riding a bicycle?”

I rode my bike a lot when I was a kid. Of course I did. I was a kid. (If you didn’t ride a bicycle as a child, your childhood was probably unbearably sad.) Then I kind of stopped riding. I went to school on a bus and anything else I did was pretty much close enough to walk or far enough to drive.

After a few years of not riding, I got jealous of all of the people in college who zipped back and forth to class while I found myself slowly trudging everywhere, so I pulled my bike out of the garage and brought it up to Ithaca. During my first week of riding, as I was struggling up a hill, I was passed by a woman pushing a stroller.

The bicycle went back into the garage.

14 years later I met Carrie, who rides or walks everywhere. One night, when I had to go home because I didn’t have work clothes at Carrie’s apartment, Carrie volunteered her bike to me. For some reason it didn’t occur to me that a trip from a neighborhood called “Park SLOPE” to one named “Prospect HEIGHTS” was not the ideal maiden voyage. It was a mile and a half, uphill, over the streets of Brooklyn - which are roughly like downtown Fallujah. It the intervening 14 years I had completely forgotten how one cushions ones balls from the shock and by the time I arrived home, I was sweating like I just came in from a thunderstorm, heaving like I was having a
heart attack and walking like I just rode a bicycle for a mile and a half without any shock absorption.

The next time I needed to go home for a change of clothes, I walked.

3 years later, Carrie finally convinced me to get a bike so we can ride together. I like it. It is red and shiny and maybe I’ll get a bell for it, just to recapture my youth. This past weekend, however, I was using it to ride to the softball fields in Prospect Park. As I was riding in the park, I saw that I was going to have to make a left turn into a steep incline up. So I leaned forward, pressed hard to make the charge and fell over.

I repeat, I fell off of my bicycle. I didn’t hit anything or anyone. I wasn’t avoiding a dangerous object. I FELL. OFF. MY. BICYCLE.

I have been limping since Sunday and have not been on the bike since.

Yes, that’s right. On April 5, 2006 at 11:11 AM, there is a blizzard in New York City. We dream of a White Christmas, not a White Easter.

If Christ actually arose, he’d be freezing. “It was pretty cold in the cave but I figured a tunic and sandals would be OK in April. Can a savior get a fucking coat?”

Despite the premature crowing of some people who wouldn’t understand labor relations if they were forcefed a Samuel Gompers biography, Local 100 of the Transport Workers of America won the strike. Do you understand? Won. The. Strike.

Raises bigger than a COLA? Check. Status quo on discipline? Check. Pension contributions by the workers? Off the table. Any past contributions by workers? Refunded.

When Mr. Toussaint appeared before television cameras at 11 p.m. on Tuesday to announce the settlement, he commented little except to read an impressive list of new worker-friendly provisions: raises averaging 3.5 percent a year, the creation of paid maternity leave, a far better health plan for retirees, a much-improved disability plan, the adoption of Martin Luther King’s Birthday as a paid holiday, and increased “assault pay” for bus drivers and train operators who are attacked by passengers.

Then Mr. Toussaint announced a big surprise: Some 22,000 workers will each receive thousands of dollars in reimbursements for what are considered excess pension contributions; for several years, these workers paid more toward their pensions than other workers. For those workers, that money will easily offset the fines of slightly more than $1,000 that most of them face for taking part in the illegal strike. The union itself could still face a $3 million fine that a judge ordered because of the 60-hour strike.

Union power, motherfuckers. Tell me again who the genius is. I’m betting your answer isn’t “Peter Kalikow.”

I watched you revel in the Schadenfreude of Kate Moss’s cancelled contracts with H&M and others in the wake of her being caught on camera snorting coke at a party. “There was no way anyone could have known she was on cocaine,” you snarked. “Obviously it was all diet and exercise.”

Seriously, though? I could tell from just looking at you and your pals that you had all spent many a night blowing rails off of a brushed metal bar and - just between the two of us - you could really stand to lose a few pounds.

Karol believes that I live in “fake Brooklyn,” but it wasn’t always so in my family.

My mom grew up in Coney Island and she and her friends were regulars at Carolina’s, an Italian restaurant on Mermaid Avenue. Carolina’s was a neighborhood institution; it opened in the 1920’s (I think). That circle of friends stayed amazingly close, so when BoU and I were kids, we went there for reunion dinners all the time.

On a recent trip back to Coney Island, I found that the old place had closed this year and been replaced with a Chinese Buffet. I have nothing against the buffet, of course, but I am sad to find that an old haunt has disappeared.

No joke here, so please forgive just a bit of sentimental nostalgia. Since I plan to start posting again (a lot of Flickr stuff, probably), I will revert to my typical cynicism shortly.

You can keep your eyes on the gigs calendar for places to see me, but there is a Stay Free! event coming up that you shouldn’t miss: On Tuesday, May 31, the Issue 24 Release Party will be a screening of Brad Neely‘s Wizard People, Dear Readers at Southpaw in Park Slope.

WIZARD PEOPLE screening (aka Stay Free! #24 release party)

Stay Free! magazine is pleased to announce a screening of WIZARD PEOPLE, DEAR READER, in conjunction with our Illegal Art Exhibit. Wizard People, Dear Reader is an unauthorized re-envisioning of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, by Brad Neely. The film has recently come under fire from Warner Brothers, which owns the copyrights for the Harry Potter films.

We’re actually going to be screening a new version of the movie. Over the past year, Brad has been performing WP live and embellishing the story with more jokes and other observations. Though he’s no longerdoing the show live (a vow he made in response to Warner Brothers’ attempts to shut down the movie), he re-did the recording and this will actually be its public debut.

Tuesday, May 31 at 8 pm sharp; doors open at 7:30. $5 cover
@ Southpaw: 125 Fifth Ave. (718) 230-0236

Music before the show and at intermission will be provided by DJ Digestif of the Cordial Squad and DJ Meat Mistress.

Read other people’s praise for Wizard People:

An interview on NPR.

The Village Voice featured it in this week’s events listings. (A prior screening was shut down by Warner Brothers. The Voice previewed that show also.)

My friend Daniel wrote about Wizard People for Salon last year.

I hope to see you there.

Jumpin’ Jive is the coolest thing you will see all year. I know that you don’t want your year to peak in January, but a part of your soul will regret it if you miss this show.

Tuesday night, 8PM at Southpaw. Southpaw is at 125 5th Avenue, between Sterling and St. Johns (Park Slope).

You don’t have to just trust me anymore.

The Village Voice has featured Jumpin’ Jive twice. First as an item by Jim Hanas in last week’s Tear Sheet (which is not, for some reason, online):

In this digitized, TiVoized world, its easy to think nothing falls through the cracks—that every mechanically captured moment has been tucked away for convenient on-demand retrieval—but things do get lost. The shelf-lined Jackson Heights apartment of film-video archivist Russell Scholl serves as a reminder. Scholl, who has been collecting rare footage for two decades, will screen some of these ephemeral bon-bons Tuesday January 25th at 8PM at Brooklyn’s Southpaw. Presented by Stay Free! Magazine, Scholl’s Jumpin’ Jive: Music Shorts Before the MTV Era is a selection of Jazz, Pop, and novelty shorts pulled from the collector’s cache. Jumpin Jive features Bill “Bojangles” Robinson’s famous “step dance” as well as Roy Smeck’s impression of the same on his ukulele. Plus rare footage of Django Reinhardt, Charlie Parker and Dorothy Dandridge, who appears in the 1942 song-and-dance short titled “Zoot Suit."

Second as a listing in NYC Guide. Douglas Wolk describes it as “a selection of red-hot jazz, gospel, and honky-tonk clips.” Red-hot is right.

Finally, Time Out New York—which for some reason has also not put its Jumpin’ Jive review online (I’m starting to sense a Manhattan-based conspiracy)—wrote:

Make no mistake about it; these clips—drawn mostly from the 20s, 30s, and 40s and compiled by local film archivist Russell Scholl—represent some of the most wildly gratifying American entertainment ever committed to film.

Not to mention that I get to face the crowd at the end of the night. We have one copy left of the publicity preview DVD that we sent to various press outlets (like, say, The Village Voice and Time Out New York). I am going to be auctioning it off.

Seriously, it is the coolest thing you will see all year. I know that you don’t want your year to peak in January, but a part of your soul will regret it if you miss this show. Tuesday night, 8PM at Southpaw. Southpaw is at 125 5th Avenue, between Sterling and St. Johns (Park Slope).

The sheer joy you get from attending Jumpin’ Jive doesn’t even take account of the worthiness of the cause.

Stay Free! is more than the great magazine of the same name that Zinester runs on a shoestring. Stay Free! is also responsible for Illegal Art, a forum (and traveling exhibit) for showing artistic work that copyright holders have tried to suppress.

New York Times and Slate writer Rob Walker called it “an important project” and one of his favorite websites. It has brought to a wide audience the innovative and hilarious Harry Potter parody Wizard People, Dear Reader and the critically acclaimed but besieged-by-the-music-industry Grey Album from DJ Danger Mouse.

Support Stay Free! and artistic freedom at Southpaw (5th Ave. between Sterling and St. John’s in Park Slope) on January 25.

I could go on and on, and in future blog entries as we get closer to the date of the show, I will. For now, let me just say that Jumpin Jive is awesome. To quote Zinester’s press release:

Long before MTV was a gleam in the Viacom corporation’s eye, jazz, blues, and pop artists were documenting some of their favorite moments on film. New York-based archivist Russell Scholl has selected some of the finest moments of these early music shorts and compiled them for you, the lucky viewer. From 1930s hot jazz to 1940s honky-tonk and television-era gospel, these music shorts promise to turn even the most jaded audience members into giddy, gushing fools—or we’ll give you your money back*.

I’ve seen the show twice and I can’t wait to see it again. You can take my words with a grain of salt since it is a Zinester event, but I’m telling you that it kicks so much ass I’d see it at twice the price. Join me at Southpaw on January 25. You won’t regret it.

I was in 10/10 Optics with Brother of Ugarte so that he could use up his flex spending account before New Year’s. Next to me in the shop was a guy wearing an Insomniac hat. He also was burning off what appeared to be a huge amount in flex money - I think he was about to buy 6 pairs of glasses. He was acting sort of manic, so I took a chance and asked if he was actually associated with the show.

He turned out to be Bob Golden, the guy who wrote Insomniac’s awesome theme song. He does a lot for Comedy Central. Traded info.

I may learn how to network yet.

There was a homeless man selling books and magazines on 7th Avenue. Laid out on his blanket, right next to each other, were back issues of Artforum and Cheri.

This is my official announcement: application lottery permitting, I am going to run in the 2006 NYC Marathon.

This will sound ridiculous to most people that know me. I am 5’10” and weigh about ~208. That is not a marathoner’s figure. I also have a bad back and the cardiovascular fitness of an 89-year-old with emphysema. Plus I don’t take the stairs two flights up unless I have to.

Still, watching the marathon has inspired me. Friends who have trained for and completed the race have inspired me. Knowing that each passing year makes it less likely that I will be able to get into marathon-shape has inspired me. Losing over 30 pounds in the last 18 months has made me think that it is possible.

And so I am going to go for it.

Congratulations to the 2004 winners: Hendrik Ramaala (RSA) and Paula Radcliffe (GBR).  Congrats also to US top tenners Meb Keflezighi (2) and Ryan Shay (9).

With that, I give you my marathon joke, one that is unlikely to ever see the stage because it is already dated and I didn’t think of it until Sunday morning:

OK, I admit it. I once publicly supported bringing the Nets to Brooklyn.  Even then, though, it was clear that I was just being selfish and knew in my heart that the development project was a bad idea.

I’ve decided to just come out and admit that I’d rather not ruin the neighborhood to line Bruce Ratner’s pockets. Even if it means I don’t get NBA basketball in my backyard.

You can help fight this giveaway in the best way possible: by eating at some great Brooklyn restaurants.  In the words of The Brooklyn Dodge, “5% OF YOUR RESTAURANT BILL raises money towards legal fees to support Develop Don’t Destroy and the community in our fight for a democratic process in the future development of our neighborhoods, and against Ratner’s land grab.”

I can personally recommend Tom’s Diner (particularly for breakfast), Bob Law’s Seafood Cafe, Prospect Perk, Keur N’Deye, A Table, Liquors and especially al di la, my favorite restaurant anywhere.

Hat tip to No Land Grab, and to Stay Free!, which led me to No Land Grab. 

Today is Unacceptable Government Action Day here at Rick’s, and I am going to go with a local flavor.

Despite a recent ruling from the NYC Human Rights Commission kicking the NYPD in the teeth for refusing to employ a Sikh wearing the traditional turban, the MTA has opted to follow in the NYPD’s unconstitutional and racist footsteps.

I was quick to criticize the renovations at the Brooklyn Museum based on the view from my daily walk-by to the subway.  After yesterday’s opening I’ve been able to see the work up close and have to make a major mea culpa - I spoke too soon.  The renovation is fantastic.