Where peace is not a pie ...Rick's Cafe Americain

Thanks Harriet. I really appreciate you taking the bullet here. We just couldn’t let the indictments be the top stor… What? Can Harriet change her mind again? And then change it again tomorrow?

Oh well. I guess we are going to have to invade Iran this week after all.

Fitzpatrick holds off announcing indictments

"This is like the Third World,” said Claudia Shaw, who spent several hours in a gas line. “We live in a state where we suffer from these storms every year. Where is the planning?"

I think this woman is asking the wrong question. I also think there is probably enough blame for both Bushes to share, though I think it is sweet the way George lets Jeb throw himself under a relief truck.

Don’t blame FEMA. This is our responsibility,” Bush said at a news conference in Tallahassee with federal Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff.

“We probably could have done better also,” Chertoff did not add. 

Neat freak! ... Going to hell! - Dawn Summers

Mean and funny! - Joaquin “The Rooster” Ochoa

Definitely an asshole! - Matthew DeCoster

So’s your face! - F Train [quote to be updated in the event of a writeup - ed.]

Endearingly chubby! - NY Observer

Just a quick bit of poker blogging. I finished a semi-respectable 316th out of ~1400 in the PokerStars blogger tournament. I never really had cards so I mostly stayed at around the average stack by stealing blinds and making continuation bets. When I finally did get a hand - QQ - I couldn’t bring myself to lay them down when I really should have. It was pretty much the only hand I played that took any skill and I failed the test.

I had ~6000 in front of me and the blinds at 100/200/25 and The average stack was ~7300.  I raised preflop UTG to 800. A guy two seats my left who had been at my table since I logged in (and who, I think, was tired of having me raise him out of pots) called. The button, who had me chipped almost 3:1 raised another 2000. He hadn’t played a hand since getting moved to my table, and I just noticed how much he had in front of him. A caller and a big raise from a tight player. Not a great situation for my queens anymore and I thought long and hard about letting them go. I thought too much, actually.

I’m in the middle of Volume 2 of Harrington’s excellent book - apologies to those who will think the next sentence is gobbledegook. M at ~10 and Q at <1.  I had just laid down to a raise from another big stack, so my table image was weak. He had me grossly outchipped and was on the button. (Short explanation: The blinds were going to start chewing me up and the other players thought I was a poor wimp.) All of these things indicated that he wouldn't have reraised me - and the caller - unless he had a real hand. And then I pushed. I smelled Aces or Kings and I pushed anyway.

The guy on my left called. This wasn't good news. He called a lot of standard preflop raises but could usually be counted on to fold to a large reraise. Then the button called and I knew I was fucked. Jacks to my left, aces on the button. I could almost see that Pauly Painting hanging inside a utility closet, but no help from the dealer (for me or the jacks) and I was out.

I was finally at a table with bloggers that knew me (Bobby Bracelet, Daddy from Snail Trax and Studio Glyphic) and the chat was starting to feel like a home game. It sucked getting bounced when I was enjoying myself after grinding for hours. Because two players were eliminated on the hand, they broke up my table. I didn’t even get to say goodbye to anyone. Stupid Hiltons. 

Since this was probably very boring, I give you something that is not. I found this Rounders parody via Paul Phillips’ blog. If you are familiar with the movie or Omaha, I invite you to enjoy EuroRounders.

As soon as the vPod was announced, everyone had the same thought: I wonder how long it will take to get porn on it? The answer is “not long at all.” PovPod (NSFW) is offering point-of-view adult films for the video iPod.

But what is point-of-view porn? Fortunately, there are instructions that make it easy.

Step 1 Download our Videos to your iPod through itunes 6
Step 2 Hold iPod at crotch level
Step 3 Watch our point-of-view (POV) video and feel like you’re there

On a miniature iPod screen? Finally, a technology that allows you to simulate fucking a newborn baby!

(Via Cult of Mac)

I should have posted about this earlier, but that kind of responsible behavior just isn’t my thing. I have two excellent shows coming up. By that I mean two shows on which I will be me, for whatever that is worth, but I will be surrounded by excellent comedians so even if you aren’t all that interested in seeing me, seeing them will be worthwhile.

Also, I really need to tape myself at one or (preferably) both of these shows. If you can help me out by lending me a digital camera or taping me, I would be most appreciative. I’d buy you a drink, at least.

MONDAY, OCTOBER 17
8:00 PM: Lolita - Broome @ Allen [Free!]
The Tell Your Friends show is already jumping. Daily News and Time Out have both featured the show as a pick of the week. In addition to the host, Baron Vaughn, this week’s show features three comics with substantial TV credits: Liam McEneaney, Nick Kroll and Eugene Mirman.

Nick Kroll hosts Welcome to Our Week at Rififi on Thursday nights (with Jessi Klein). Eugene Mirman hosts Invite Them Up at Rififi on Wednesday nights (with Bobby Tisdale). Both are shows that I very much want to be on, so I guess I should do a good job on Monday, huh?

More details here, including more credits for my fellow cast members than I care to list. Click through, because my “credits” are both true (sort of) and hilarious compared to the credits of my showmates.

--------------------------
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 20
9:00 PM: Telephone Bar - 2d Ave. between 9th & 10th [$1 cover]
The cover charge at Telephone Bar is $1 and they always pack the place - and then share the door with the comics and give me a free drink. It is a great room and I’m always happy to be invited back. A very good cast here as well this week.

Matt Goldich is going to be on Comedy Central’s Premium Blend this year and Nic Novicki has a recurring character on SNL. Molly Reisner has no particular credits that I know of, but she is worth watching also.

More details here.

Hope to see you at one of these shows.

Zinester and I have started a blog about planning our wedding. The comments are already populated by a bunch of wackos.

Go check out Another Fucking Wedding. That is all.

Despite the severe criticism former FEMA director Michael Brown has been taking for his handling of hurricane Katrina in the Gulf region, President Bush this morning announced he was nominating Mr. Brown to fill the Supreme Court seat left vacant by Sandra Day O’Connor’s resignation.  Bush defended his choice at a press conference this morning, telling reporters, “Brownie may have lacked experience in emergency management, but he’s got more experience in judging than John Roberts.” Bush was referring to Brown’s stint as the “Judges and Stewards Commissioner for the International Arabian Horses Association.  Bush continued, “Michael Brown is a man who knows how to take responsibility for his actions . . . and attribute it to others. “ Brown is expected to be confirmed without much controversy, as there is no hard evidence that he would take positions the Democrats would oppose.

Sources close to the White House say that, should Brown not be confirmed, President Bush plans to nominate Barney, the President’s Scottish Terrier.

My friend Jim Hanas is giving away the new Neil Gaiman novel to the first person to send 27 people to his site.

Truth be told I’m more interested in winning than I am in the book. Click through anyway. If not for the book than for the Gawker Talker.

I don’t write about poker as much as I used to, but I still show up in Pauly’s home game reports - hell, I’m the blogger that hooked him up for both the Blue Parrot and the Towne House. That has to be enough to make me eligible for this tournament.

And I guarantee that I’m going to win it.

Love,
Patrick Ewing

I watched you revel in the Schadenfreude of Kate Moss’s cancelled contracts with H&M and others in the wake of her being caught on camera snorting coke at a party. “There was no way anyone could have known she was on cocaine,” you snarked. “Obviously it was all diet and exercise.”

Seriously, though? I could tell from just looking at you and your pals that you had all spent many a night blowing rails off of a brushed metal bar and - just between the two of us - you could really stand to lose a few pounds.

The Washington Nationals have fired the team chaplain, probably killing any chance at the wild card.

According to an article published Sunday in The Washington Post, Nationals outfielder Ryan Church said he asked Moeller if Jews are “doomed” because they do not believe in Jesus. Church said Moeller nodded, the Post reported.

I presume that Moeller nodded “yes,” though the article doesn’t say for sure. But isn’t the entire point of the Christian faith that salvation only comes through Christ? And that one of the big no-no’s in Judaism is that same Christ guy? Doesn’t it then follow that, according to Christian doctrine, Jews are therefore doomed?

If Moeller really got fired for telling the truth about Christian dogma, the solution isn’t to fire him. It is to get rid of the position of team chaplain.

‘cause Zinester and I are engaged.

It is hard to delete comments about poker tournaments being played for Hurricane Katrina Relief without feeling like a jerk, but that’s what I did.

One comment that says “Hey there is a tournament at yetanotherpokersite.com for Katrina Relief, would you mind mentioning it?” would have been fine. I don’t after all, post regularly anymore. I might have even mentioned the tournament. A second comment - from the same IP address and using the same email server - that says “Hey, I’ve heard about that tournament! Here are more cool details...” is spam. The IP address has been banned.

If you want to play in a charity poker tournament, Pauly has the goods on tournaments going on at Poker Stars and Full Tilt Poker. (Whoops; the last Full Tilt tourney was on Sunday.)