Where Sam doesn't play anymore ...Rick's Cafe Americain

A Taiwanese legislator tried to stop debate on a bill to set up transportation links with China by grabbing the resolution and trying to swallow it.

Wang later spat out the document and tore it up after opposition lawmakers failed to get her to cough it up by pulling her hair.

All along I thought I was a 35-year-old from Queens. It turns out that I am an 18-year-old dude from Wyoming.

Did I mention that I’m on MySpace?

Poor kid is probably too young to realize that it is his fate to look like a lesbian in photographs for the rest of his life. 

A man recently sued the Angels for sex discrimination because he was not given a tote bag as part of a Mother’s Day promotion.

Inspired by this litigious douchebaggery, the Altoona Curve (AA - Pittsburgh) are having Frivolous Lawsuit Night. I’m not a big fan of the concept; most notoriously “frivilous” lawsuits are actually meritorious but popularized in deceptive ways by insurance companies that hate paying the judgments. The McDonald’s coffee case is the prime example. (If you ever want a boring lecture from me, bring that up at a party as a symbol of the tort system run amok.)

Still, I like the whimsy behind the Curve’s promotions:

* A Pink Tote Bag Giveaway to the first 137 men in attendance ages 18 and over
* The first 137 women 18 and over will receive lukewarm coffee so they will not burn themselves
* The first 137 kids will be given a beach ball with a warning not to ingest it

Hat tip to Bucs Dugout.

4th Circuit Judge Michael Luttig is stepping down from the bench to take a job at Boeing.

Waaaaaah! George didn’t put me on the Supreme Court! Waaaaaaaaaah! I’m taking my 1700’s legal doctrine and going home!

By the way, how does a judge send around resumes? How does a corporation solicit a judge to work for it without forever conflicting out the judge from future matters?

AP Headline:

Hamas Hints at Recognition of Israel

How it reads in my head:

Hey, isn’t that Israel? It sure would be a shame if any of their enemies knew where they were. Because I have this rocket launcher just sitting here doin’ nothin’.

If ever a spam arrived in my inbox with a waving red flag, it was this one, received today at 4:38PM:

From:  nitwit select
Subject: Re: Your cash

Here is Tom DeLay’s mug shot:

Here is Tom Delay after resigning from Congress:

Sorry Williamsburg hipsters. The award for most effective use of irony goes to ... Tom DeLay’s smile!

I got an email from Ticketmaster with the subject “Don’t Miss Kenny Chesney,” which is crazy - I got an email from Renee Zellwegger last week that said the exact same thing.

Renee Zellwegger is a heartless bitch.

Yes, that’s right. On April 5, 2006 at 11:11 AM, there is a blizzard in New York City. We dream of a White Christmas, not a White Easter.

If Christ actually arose, he’d be freezing. “It was pretty cold in the cave but I figured a tunic and sandals would be OK in April. Can a savior get a fucking coat?”

Georgia cops gave a woman a summons for having a vulgar anti-Bush sticker (I’m tired of all the BUSHIT!) on her car.

The driver’s defense is discrimination. Nobody ever got a ticket for the “ IMPEACH CUNTON” stickers that were all the rage in the late ‘90s.

Hat tip to Clarified

What a witty title! Anyway, the Mo Pitkins show was fantastic; thanks to all who came and all who performed. The DVD has its flaws (most of them mine) but I am happy with it and will eventually be posting it online. Maybe here, maybe - after I get off of my lazy ass and start a myspace page because that is what all the cool kids were doing a year ago - on a myspace page. And maybe YouTube because I am curious about whether that would result in anything.

But why dwell on the past. Now that I am settled in (hahahahahahahaha -ed.) I am getting myself booked again around town. Four dates already planned, more to come (I hope.) Come see me before I am too famous to acknowledge you when you show up.

Needless to say, you still have plenty of time.

UPDATE: I admit it. This update is solely to remind the 8 people who still have this blog in bloglines about the show. Changing the date is part of the trick.

My friend Rachael Parenta has set up a show where we can get audition tapes made. Will McKinley is hosting. The show also features stranger Daniel Wright and headliner Jess Wood - the only white woman to perform on Def Comedy Jam.

Funny people all. You can read the show details on the flyer. For the record, this is the first flyer that has my name on it. I think that is a cool thing even if it’s not cool to say so out loud.

I wonder if Dawn cares about the Winter Olympics now?

Last December, after we had been dating for around 7 months, Carrie emailed me Quitting the Paint Factory: On the Virtues of Idleness, proving she already knew me quite well.

True to form, I printed out the article but it sat on my desk for the last 15 months, occassionally taunting me with its presence but usually buried under a pile of unread mail. I finally started reading the article last night.

Because I am moving on Sunday and was supposed to be packing. You sent me the article, Carrie, so you only have yourself to blame.

If you asked me if I would order women’s curling on pay-per-view I would probably ask if you hired a team of morons to write that question or came up with it all by your stupid self.

So why did I get to work at 10:30 this morning?