Where you left your keys ...Rick's Cafe Americain

So, did you hear about the fake New York Times prank? No? OK, read more about it at Gawker.

Anyway, when I first got contacted back in May, I got the sense that they were going for a funny parody. That, I think, was a misreading of their intent. Instead, I think they wanted celebratory euphoria - a sense of how great things will be when the war is over - and then filled the rest of the paper with progressive wishcasting.

My article, though, was just parody. You can read it here.

I recently wrote a note on Facebook in which I ripped on McCain for having a transition team director that lobbied for Saddam Hussein, if slightly indirectly. That is not what I am apologizing for; it is a far worse connection than briefly sitting on a respected education policy board with a nutter who also happens to be dedicated to improving public education.

In response, an attorney who works at the firm that laid me off, along with all of the other temps, while I was on my honeymoon left a series of comments below the note. These are some the comments (I’ve omitted the ones that are merely rude or wrong, presenting only the truly obnoxious)::

This is specious… How can you compare aides whose former firms lobbied with a politician who DIRECTLY took money from them himself… in fact, in just 3 years was the second largest recipient of Fannie and Freddie money in the entire prior ten year period (quite a lot of catching up to due). Ayers is just one of many radical left wing buddies that Obama has had, and let’s not forget how entrenched he is with this lovely ACORN group, who has managed to not only be at the center of the sub-prime mortgage meltdown, but also rampant voter registration fraud in over a dozen states and counting. ...

Good to know your base… warms my heart to see the democrats care about the homeless for 12 hours once every four years, plying them with free cigarettes, shuttling them down to the voting booth, then dropping them back off on their sidewalks once they’ve served their purpose

Amazing what happens when a metropolitan area of 10 million people all try to share one brain… we get tales of not believing in dinosaurs, banning books that hadn’t even been written yet, forced rape kit payments, and whatever other internet fiction that is dreamed up by the left and lapped up by it’s rabid minions. Sad really...

In response to someone showing that Obama’s lead nationwide was larger than 5%:

Hahaha… love the sourcing, NY Times and CBS, both known for their objective, unbiased reporting… Hysterical! McCain is considered radical right on your planet? The most moderate republican in the Senate is a rightist but the most liberal democratic senator is embraced by the media as being somehow a moderate. I wonder if you can effectively run a country off of a teleprompter, god save us all if this buffoon is elected. In the meantime all the sheep please return to your grazing...

Yeah “Sarah Palin is Cun*” t-shirts that Osama’s fans have been wearing at his events and actually appeared on his campaign website are an eloquent expression of political views—but guess what—you sheep aren’t fed that reality by the liberal media, you just like living in your bizarro liberal world of nonsense. Pretty insane that the Clintons have had to complain about liberal bias in the media, lets you know how crazy-left you freaks have gotten.Electing an inexperienced, unqualified lightweight like Osama is so reckless, should this douche be elected, I want you all to look yourself in the mirror the morning that NYC is covered by a cloud of smoke and think “whups” but it will be too late. Hopefully Israel might still exist, but with a feckless effete dickwad who favors hamas who the hell knows. Isn’t it scary that Israel was pushing for a pre-election strike on Iran b/c they know that if Osama is elected they are on their own?? My god, at least elect a douchebag liberal who at least has some kind of track record or experience, and who doesn’t suppress his actual views.  So frigging sad, but sheep be sheep, elect this socialist douche, but when everything falls apart at least do us the favor and do the honorable Japanese thing...

At that point I decided that my slutty facebook-friend-accepting ways had gone too far and I dropped him.

In any event, here is my apology: since this is, to me, the rough equivalent of screaming “RETHUGLICAN CHIMPY MCHITLER BUSH”, as the right wing describes the last 8 years of liberal thought, if I have ever sounded like this guy (and I don’t think I have, but this is an AA-style apology for anything I MIGHT have done), I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I sounded even half as retarded as this guy. 

I’m surprised that so many people think McCain did well. Obama owned this debate if for no other reason than both candidates were talking about Barack Obama. Is there anything about McCain that you didn’t know before the debate that you know now? I can only think of one: he stutters when he is forcing out insincere bullshit in a desperate bid to become President. That is not a qualification for President.

McCain finally brought up Ayers in a debate and what happened? Obama owned it. First, by pointing out that his “connection” to Ayers is shared by the entire Chicago academic community and a Reagan Ambassador (who, Obama was kind enough not to mention, is listed on the McCain website as a supporter) and then by challenging the idea that when the sky is falling on Wall Street, that anyone really gives a fuck about an old hippie. His answer on ACORN wasn’t as powerful but I don’t think anyone but the total nutters on the right have a problem with ACORN anyway.

McCain interrupted and laughed maniacally a lot and some people I know wished that Obama had done the same. Obama made the right call. Obama didn’t interrupt or attack because Obama’s thing is being cool and collected. He never looked chastened or wounded by McCain’s attacks, just bemused. Obama’s smiling communicated “Can you believe he is still peddling this shit?” not “I’m going to let him walk all over me.” McCain’s laughter conveyed “I am angry and barely restraining myself from choking this guy.”

McCain was a bundle of twitches, stutters and barely remembered attack lines. What I saw when I watched Senator McCain was a very high likelihood of President Palin in 2010* if he wins, which would probably be enough by itself to give the election to Obama.

Update: I can’t believe that I’m going to do this, but for a great analysis of the debate, look at The Corner at National Review Online. Not surprisingly, I don’t agree with any of the author’s editorializing about the policies of the candidates or how Obama’s answers match (or don’t) his record, but I think his bullet points perfectly capture the way the candidates come across on television and why Obama is winning these debates so handily.

Toxic cloud passes, residents allowed home.

I was about to write my post-debate thoughts but then I read Nate Silver’s wrap-up at FiveThirtyEight and, well ... what he said. (Basically, Obama won this debate weeks, if not months ago. Also, McCain looked awkward and old and cranky. My friends.)

This morning, a judge ordered the release of 17 Chinese Uighur “terrorists" from Guantanamo. The 17 were released because they are admittedly noncombatants who pose no threat to the U.S. They have been held since 2004 because (a) the U.S. doesn’t want them and (b) China would almost certianly execute them for treason if they were repatriated.

Why is this a debate preview? Because I expect that tonight, McCain will accuse an “activist judge” of “ordering the release of 17 dangerous Muslim terrorists to the custody of William Ayers, as requested by Senator Obama.”

Biden was a little clunky but had a few excellent moments first, when he repeated the ways in which McCain will be exactly like Bush; second where he listed all the ways McCain was wrong about the war; third, where he listed the issues on which McCain is anything but a maverick. In a debate where I think very little will resonate, those points were made forcefully and, I hope, effectively.

Palin? Was the bar really set so low that this was considered an acceptable performance? When she didn’t like a question she babbled some nonsense about energy. When she decided to stay on topic she started every answer with a minute of folksy, empty throat-clearing riddled with homespun cliche. I get that she was going for a down-home attitude but I found it incredibly cloying and artificial.

The pundits seem to be giving this to Palin but as far as I can tell it is because they are grading on a curve. Biden was more on topic, was more substantive both on his own policies and the McCain policies that he opposes and was much more human than I think people expected of him.

These same experts completely whiffed on the analysis of the first Presidential debate and I suspect that they are now 0 for 2. I give the round to Biden.

Instant update: The CBS News flash poll that gave the first debate to Obama? It gives the second debate to Biden 46% - 21%.

Not a knockout blow for Obama or even a decisive win but two things became clear after this debate: Obama understands and is conversant in foreign policy and seems like a President. McCain? Kind of an asshole.

A lot is being made of the number of times that Obama said “You’re right, John” or some variation as if it is some kind of weakness - McCain even threw out an insta-ad on that theme. To me, though, it looked like Obama was walking the walk of the post-partisan he claims to be. There is no need to be embarrassed about agreeing with your opponent about something non-controversial - it actually demonstrates leadership to do so. All we got from McCain were smirks and laughter and increasingly implausible claims that Obama was naive and unprepared. Nice talking points in the abstract but they just don’t link up with what was on screen.

I think the reason the flash polls favored Obama is because people didn’t know if he was for real. Now they know.  They knew that McCain was a maverick about campaign finance reform; now they know that he is a maverick about basic courtesy. Is it too much to look at Obama once? I guess so.

In any event, my favorite post-debate line comes from Jeff Johnson:

McCain = if Obama’s (lack of) foreign policy experience is snicker-worthy...and just, you know, galling, and DANGEROUS, perhaps you’d better look at your GODDAMN VP CHOICE Sarah Palin, whose sole diplomatic effort begins and ends with a letter she wrote wondering what Mayor McCheese’s first name was. Christ on a bun. GIve her a world atlas. If she knows where Ireland is, I promise I will vote for her.

At first, it looked like McCain’s way to not lose the debate was “don’t debate.” The new method appears to be “claim you won the debate in advance.”

According to the Washington Post, the McCain campaign placed ads on the WSJOnline this morning:

"McCain Wins Debate!” declares the ad which features a headshot of a smiling McCain with an American flag background. Another ad spotted by our eagle-eyed observer featured a quote from McCain campaign manager Rick Davis declaring: “McCain won the debate-- hands down.” Here is the screenshot.

Let me guess: Did he beat Truman?*

No fewer than three separate people have IM’d me to let me know that everyone is reporting that McCain is asking Obama to postpone Friday’s debate.

The stated reason is so that McCain can return to Washington to “work on the bailout proposal.” Fox swallows the proffered reason whole, claiming that it demonstrates “[McCain is] serious about dealing with the bailout since he had negotiated strongly to make the first of the three debates between the candidates on foreign policy, McCain’s strong suit.”

I’ve got better reasons: McCain knows as well as anyone that (a) foreign policy isn’t really his strong suit and (b) as his campaign craters further with every mendacious or wrongheaded word out of his mouth - particularly about this economic crisis - he needs to get away from the spotlight for a while.

McCain himself admits that he doesn’t know much about economics so why do they need his help in Washington anyway?

Meanwhile, the bottom half of McCain’s ticket either isn’t interested in answering questions or she isn’t allowed to. Either way, it doesn’t look good for Team McCain.

Via Frank, Aron and Matt

This is circulating in email so you would probably have seen this eventually but I like it very much.

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YOURS FAITHFULLY MINISTER OF TREASURY PAULSON

Via Frank, who still has no online presence

MSNBC’s First Read:

As of yesterday, Sarah Palin had delivered 14 campaign speeches since her well-received address more than two weeks ago at the Republican National Convention. And each time, she’s packed in thousands of excited Republicans eager to see this new star of the GOP.

But those waiting for hours to listen to her could hear the same thing—or something close to it—simply by pressing play on a TiVO recording of her acceptance speech. Or clicking on to a YouTube clip of that Sept. 3 address. ...

Indeed, her stump speech has deviated very little from that convention speech in St. Paul. She continues to introduce herself to audiences primarily with biographical detail, stories from her time in Alaska, and praise for McCain—rarely straying from the words on her Teleprompter.

And to think just a few weeks ago, people were spreading the bullshit meme that the teleprompter had broken during her convention speech and she fired it off from memory. If she knew it by heart then, you’d think the endless repetition would have cemented it by now.

And how does she handle new material? The article gives two examples:

Palin did address the financial crisis on Monday—saying the market system “needs some shakin’ up and some fixin’”

Sophisticated! Sounds like just the kind of detailed plan the Republicans say that Obama avoids presenting.

Perhaps her scripted nature was best on display Wednesday, when she joined McCain for her first town hall meeting in Grand Rapids, MI. After giving opening remarks with no new material, McCain tackled the first question on fighting terrorism. Palin quickly chimed in —“can I add something?” she asked McCain—and returned to lines she has used daily on McCain’s leadership for the surge in Iraq. Answering audience questions, she mixed and matched lines directly from her normal remarks, speaking of her opposition to earmarks in Alaska, equality for women, and energy independence. When topics arose that Palin hadn’t previously delved into, she stayed silent.

Maybe the press should ask more questions about energy. Not that she’d get the answers correct but at least she’d answer.

Via Frank, who has no online presence.

John McCain has based his campaign on three things: foreign affairs experience, military expertise and integrity. Amazingly, he isn’t particularly strong in any of these areas.

First, and most recently, John McCain has been caught wearing his see-through Emperor’s robe and the sight isn’t particularly pretty. He has somehow managed to alienate Spain - a NATO member and an ally in a lot of things that aren’t the War in Iraq - because he either doesn’t remember that they are an ally or has decided that he has something to gain from alienating Spain. I’m not sure which theory is worse.

As Washington Monthly’s Political Animal blog points out, this isn’t McCain’s major blunder when discussing foreign affairs - an area that is supposedly his strength:

Let’s also not lose sight of the broader pattern. McCain thinksthe recent conflict between Russia and Georgia was “the first probably serious crisis internationally since the end of the Cold War.” He thinks Iraq and Pakistan share a border. He believes Czechoslovakia is still a country. He’s been confused about the difference between Sudan and Somalia. He’s been confused about whether he wants more U.S. troops in Afghanistan, more NATO troops in Afghanistan, or both. He’s been confused about how many U.S. troops are in Iraq. He’s been confused about whether the U.S. can maintain a long-term presence in Iraq. He’s been confused about Iran’s relationship with al Qaeda. He’s been confused about the difference between Sunni and Shi’ia. McCain, following a recent trip to Germany, even referred to “President Putin of Germany.” All of this incoherence on his signature issue.

I’m curious. What do you suppose the reaction would be from the political establishment if Barack Obama had made these mistakes over the course of the campaign? What would reporters, pundits, and Republicans have to say about Obama’s ability to lead a complex world in a time of war and uncertainty?

I think an intellectually honest person would agree that if Obama had made these same mistakes he’d be labeled “clueless” on foreign policy. So, why the double-standard?

I wonder if his defense will be “John McCain has forgotten more about foreign affairs than you’ll ever know.” Because it is probably true. And he will keep forgetting because he is old and totally losing his marbles. In any event, it adds up to a lot more than Obama accidentally saying “57 states” one time. (And does anyone really believe that a man who went to high school in the 50th state didn’t know how many stars are on the flag? Compare that to the number of people who really believe that McCain doesn’t know the difference between Shi’ia and Sunni.)

For his Vice President McCain has chosen someone that has been to three, maybe four other countries in her life: Canada (a lovely place. reminds me of America but with a lot fewer Palins; also, pretty clearly as a tourist), photo ops in Germany and Kuwait (not Iraq; she saw Iraq the way Alaskans can see Russia) and possibly Mexico (unclear; she won’t provide the details of the trip. My theory: the only documentation is a photo of a 22 year old Sarah Heath swallowing the worm at a Tijuana dive, which is not exactly gravitas-lending). Also, her plane to Kuwait stopped in Ireland for fuel (and in the official bio? That counts!) So it isn’t like McCain’s got a foreign-policy backstop.

Issue 2? Military affairs. This is possibly an even bigger crock of shit, despite the unbelievable courage John McCain displayed in a Vietnamese POW camp.

Let’s go to the scorecard: McCain was a terrible student at Annapolis. I support the idea of drinking and fucking one’s way through college. If I had to do college over again, I’d like to think that I could make that my experience. Hockey games and fear of rejection were an inadequate substitute, no matter how good the hockey was. It still doesn’t count as worthwhile “military experience” when you finish in the bottom of your class because your dress whites are on the floor of a different Maryland debutante’s bedroom every weekend. Alas, because McCain’s dad was an Admiral, he got to blow off class and screw to his heart’s content, secure in the knowledge that as long as he wasn’t caught fucking another Admiral’s wife, he’d be allowed to be a fighter pilot when he graduated anyway. And, as expected, he was allowed into the elite fighter pilot program, in which the Navy was more forgiving of him than the DA’s office was of JFK Jr. In fact, McCain crashed more planes than John John failed bar exams. (This one turns out not to be true. Apologies; he was apparently a pretty good pilot. I really liked that line, too. -ed.) Including, in the end, the plane that was shot down. While getting shot down isn’t evidence that McCain was a bad pilot… it isn’t exactly evidence that he was a good pilot. Anway, this leads inexorably to to the signature story of McCain’s biography: his time in a POW camp.

Let me say this about McCain’s time in captivity: I don’t pretend that I could have done what he did for a second. Perhaps, under the proper conditions, I’d surprise myself but my working premise is that I am a pain-averse pussy. For that I commend him. He showed extraordinary honor and courage in refusing to jump the line and endured more horrible suffering than anyone I will ever know will experience. That said ... stewing in a cramped prison cell and getting the shit beat out of you is not tactical military experience. Wesley Clark, as impolitic as it was to say, was correct. If anything, being locked in prison and tortured for five years fucks you up a bit, it doesn’t improve you.

He also seems to think that the reason we lost the Vietnam War is that we stopped fighting - that we lacked the will to keep sending young men to die for an increasingly irrelevant, symbolic objective. Though people fault Obama for attributing to McCain the allegedly false claim that we could be in Iraq for another 100 years, is it fair for me to say that if it were up to Senator McCain we’d have been in Vietnam for another 100 years? I’ve already addressed what I think of McCain’s support for the surge.

The last issue? His integrity. I don’t think I need to discuss where that’s gone. I’ll just point you here.

And while we’re on a McCain bashing spree, here’s Chris Kelly at HuffPo:

"Evil must be defeated!”—John McCain 8/16/08

“Enough is enough! We’re going to put an end to greed!”—John McCain 9/17/08

It’s inspiring to know that John McCain has a plan to end greed. I just hope it doesn’t distract him from his mission to defeat evil. Either way, it has to kick the shit out of whatever Barack Obama’s got on the docket, with his empty words and pie-in-the-sky promises.

America’s choice is clear. Barack Obama, a messianic egomaniac who thinks he’s, like, our savior or something, or John McCain, who will defeat evil and put an end to greed.

Anyway, read the whole thing because there is plenty of evidence that McCain should barely be allowed to vote, much less run the country.

Also, I promise to edit the next time I post something.

#1

An Open Letter to Musicians Who Are Democrats That Hear That McCain is Using Their Music:

Shut the fuck up, please. Every time you complain about your music being used in the service of a campaign you do not support, two things happen. a) Liberal blogs all over the country chortle and pretend that this is some kind of a setback for the Republicans and b) Actual voters across the country think “That’s funny, they liked me when I was buying their record and going to their concerts. I guess they are just another bunch of Hollywood faggots.”

Neither one of these things help the campaign. If McCain wants to use the song, let him.

I repeat: Shut the fuck up.

Sincerely,
Charles Star

#2

An Open Letter to Barack Obama:

Shut the fuck up about Sarah Palin’s experience, particularly foreign policy experience.

Your campaign has spent the better part of the last two years arguing that judgment is more important than experience. This is a good argument because it is true. Voters apparently do not care about foreign policy ‘experience’ and experience appears to have no bearing on whether a candidate will use that experience wisely.

George W. Bush, hick governor, had no foreign policy experience. He beat a two-term VP with over a decade in Congress. Bill Clinton, hick governor, had no foreign policy experience. He beat George H.W. Bush, a sitting president, two-term VP, Congressman and head of the CIA. Bush? He beat Dukakis, proving nothing. Reagan? None. Beat a sitting president who negotiated a peace treaty in the Middle East. Carter? None. He beat a sitting president and veteran of Congress.

Does experience look like it matters?

So, having staked your campaign on your judgment, you chose Biden as VP, sort of admitting that maybe experience counts a little. This was kind of bad, and not only because you were already getting Delaware’s 3 electoral votes. I don’t even hate the Biden pick because I think he should be able to overcome the terrible atmospherics of his selection by being a decent attack dog - but you have to admit that the atmospherics suck.

Then you had the balls to go after Palin’s experience when what you should have been going after was her judgment. When McCain selected Palin as VP he didn’t choose someone who had no foreign policy experience; he chose someone who had apparently never spent a day of her life thinking about anything beyond the border of Alaska. Alaska’s proximity to Canada is, according to the GOP talking heads, supposed to mean something about her foreign policy bona fides.  After 9/11 you needed a passport to get into Canada. She got a passport in 2007. As far as the world knows, Sarah Palin has never thought about the world at large. She has no record on foreign policy and so she is now a blank slate to be filled in however the McCain campaign deems politically expedient. Not only would you be able to attack Palin’s judgment - a mid-40’s governor with no public statements on foreign policy should not be considered a serious candidate for the Vice Presidency - you would be able to attack McCain’s judgment for making such a dimwitted choice.

This is how you should have gone after her selection. It would not only have been consistent with your own talking points, it would have kept the GOP from exploiting ‘experience’ - what most polls show is your biggest vulnerability.

And in doing so you opened up a line of attack on your own judgment.

Sincerely,
Charles Star

P.S. Hey Barack, the right answer to “admit that the surge is working” wasn’t It’s working, but who knew it would! when you are running against a candidate that staked his campaign on the surge. The right answer was Working? By what standard? If the U.S. pulled its troops out tomorrow we would be exactly where we were before the surge started. If Iraq can’t survive without the surge troops in place, we have established a permanent occupation. I’d call that a failure.

Sidney McLaren Star came into the world at 12:43 PM on Saturday, July 19. He’s healthy and happy - and Mom looks great!