Where Sam doesn't play anymore ...Rick's Cafe Americain

Funny Jew
My first spot as a comic was part of a contest sponsored by The Jewish Week: “The Funniest Amateur Jewish Comic” - presumably in the greater New York area. Of course “funniest in NY” = “funniest anywhere.” See, Sinatra, Frank, “New York, New York”.

Gotham was shoving this contest in early so it would finish before the regular 9PM show.  The competitors were told to have people arrive by 6 so that the contest could start at 6:20.  I got there at 5:30 (it is easy to arrive early when you know you can’t hold down food and aren’t slowed down by eating), scoped out a diner for a post-show coffee with Mom and anyone who would let my mother treat them to a cup-of-coffee-and. I immediately started pacing and mumbling to myself while trying to commit my set sheet to memory.  I knew that I would hold onto it as a crutch but I wanted to look at it as little as possible.  I saw a few others who had to be competitors, but to be honest they were cracking really lame jokes and I tried to avoid them.

Finally, at just before 6, the first friendly face arrived in the form of my friend Nick.  I told him I was glad to have someone to talk to out loud because the voices in my head were driving me crazy.  When he asked if I was nervous I told him that I stopped being nervous ten minutes ago when I shit my pants.  At the time all of this seemed very funny; it doesn’t look as funny on the page. I think it was in the delivery.  Gradually the slow trickle of friends built to a steady stream.  All told, I had 16 or 17 people come to see me - comfortably topping the 5 I needed for the stage time.

We gathered downstairs for instructions from a club employee/comic whose name I don’t remember.  Everyone gets five minutes ...  The red light will come on to let you know that you have one minute left ... we will draw numbers out of a hat to determine order ... stay in the comics lounge or in the bar after your set; don’t sit down with your friends. Same people from outside kept making lame jokes.  What didn’t they tell us? That the main stage light would be filled with a bulb brighter than the sun and placed directly at eye level ten feet from your face.

My name was drawn second. Perfect. I didn’t want to go first, but I didn’t want to sit in the lounge sweating either.  The emcee Steve Marshall opened the show.  From what I hear, he has a profane and funny act that he apparently neutered because he was hosting an event sponsored by The Jewish Week. His set was decent but not memorable and then he introduced a 21-year-old senior at Queens College. The College Boy had some very good material but no stage presence (he was reading the whole time.) He also ran long.

Steve asked me what I wanted him to say as an announcement. I first said “Just say it’s my debut.” Then I said “Say that I am coming from an appearance in the downstairs bathroom where I was throwing up.” He didn’t take it literally (I’m still not sure if I wanted him to) and instead just offered some comforting words before giving me a really nice introduction.  Let me tell you, 16 or 17 people can be really loud, and my friends and family gave me a raucous welcome.

I went right into my set.  I’m not going to give away too much of the material here, but only because I don’t think this is the right forum.  When I get back from vacation I am going to post a movie file of the appearance on a personal website that I am going to set up.  I’ll just say that I basically ragged on my Mom for five minutes. It went spectacularly well, under the circumstances.  That is to say, for a first-time performer it went very well.  I only needed to check my notes once, I made up a joke or two on the fly and I segued from one joke to the next.  A few people told me I rushed the first joke, but overall I was very pleased. Steve Marshall was really encouraging and complimentary after the set and even more so after the show.  A real class act.  I hope he emcees the finals.

I got myself a Maker’s and water (first one’s free for the comics) and went back to the lounge to watch the other performers.  Some were OK (a young business law professor at Kingsborough CC; a Steven Wright-type one liner guy) others were awful (a guy who did impressions of 15 different “celebrities” singing Adon Olam - don’t ask if you don’t know).  After the eight competitors we had to sweat out a few performances by regulars and/or pros including the woman making a terrifying screaming face in the montage of pictures for the premiere of the second season of Last Comic Standing here.

I ended up tied for second with a guy I thought wasn’t very good. “Steven Wright” won and the professor came in fourth.  My wicked cool guests erupted when it was announced that I would be moving on to the finals.

I would be more upset about not winning if winning meant anything, but in the preliminary it doesn’t.  The mother of one of the losing competitors told me I should have won. I agree, but it was nice to hear someone who isn’t related to me say it.  I was also asked by a woman if I would be willing to do free sets at charity events for Yeshivas and the like; of course I said yes. Any chance to perform is a chance to practice.  As Brother of Ugarte said, I saw Punchline.

The finals are on June 29 at Gotham, time TBD.

Overall, a great experience.  It was a hell of a set up for ...

Funny Lawyer
Coming off of my strong showing on Tuesday night, I thought I wouldn’t be nervous for the “Funniest Lawyer” contest at Stand-Up NY the next night.  I was wrong.

Again, no eating before the show.  I met my girlfriend at Big Nick’s and I tried to eat a little to settle my stomach, but my mouth wasn’t willing to play along. Instead we just took a walk around for a little while so I could clear my head.  At 8 we drifted back to the comedy club and waited for them to open the doors.  While waiting our friends started to arrive.  It started as a steady stream and gradually built to class 5 rapids. By the time the show started I had over 65 people at the show to see me.  Never in my wildest dreams did I think that would happen.  I had friends from the ‘hood growing up, high school, college, law school and work.  I had family, friends of family, friends of friends and friends of friends of family.  It was amazing.  It became clear that the whole crowd was going to be pulling for me. Fuckin’ A!

One of my competitors heard me tell a friend that I had more people than I needed.  He asked if some of my friends would say that they were here to see him.  Two of his expected guests bailed and he didn’t have enough people coming.  He had come down from Philly for the show, and I needed all the karma the world could offer, so I said yes.  (He ended up finishing in second. I didn’t watch him, but Brother of Ugarte wasn’t impressed. Took his number though - he is opening a club in Philly and so he counts as my first “contact.” Word up, Dan Glammer.)

Mike Yard emceed and opened with a strong set. George Peacock bombed like the Enola Gay. There was a guy that I didn’t watch. Frank Vignola was great. A young woman from Texas managed to make George Peacock look like a seasoned pro.  Paul Mecurio started rough, but put together a good set. (Jesus. Have I burned enough bridges?) That set up the contest.

I can’t tell you anything about my competition. I didn’t watch any of them.  I was nervous again because I felt like I underprepared.  The set was 10 minutes instead of 5 and I put together the additional five minutes on Wednesday afternoon. (Does that sound familiar to anyone I ever worked with?) It was much easier to pace by the bar than to watch the other comics. Turns out I didn’t have to worry.

When Mike asked me how I wanted to be introduced, I had nothing - so I just shrugged and said that I didn’t care.  That wasn’t particularly fair to Mike. He doesn’t know me, so his introduction ended up like this: "Up next is ... a guy ... he’s ... really funny ... give it up for Charles Star!”

And then the room, stocked with all of my buds, went totally batshit. Mike Yard had a hysterically confused look on his face. I can’t say I blame him.  I brought 65 people to the show.  Nobody else brought as many as 15.

I opened up by saying “Welcome to the Star Family Reunion” (big laugh) and then went into the same opening as Tuesday. But slower. Calmer. I waited for the laugh on the first punchline.  I tossed in some new twists for the material I did on Tuesday. I added the new stuff (non-legal workplace stories). I ad-libbed a few times when I got lost (the universal favorite line was one I made up on stage).  And it was great.  The crowd was laughing - even the people I didn’t bring.  When I thanked the crowd, everyone went nuts again.  When Mike came up to bring up the next act, he said “Wow.  Is everyone with him? When I heard the roar I was thinking ‘Who is this guy? I’ve never heard of him.’”

I didn’t watch the other competitors after my spot either. I was too giddy, I wanted to talk to Mike a little about the industry ("Don’t say ‘industry’, Donald"), I needed a drink and my friends started leaving after I was done, so I was saying good-bye to lots of people.

After the competitors finished, Mike announced the winners:  “I know what y’all are thinking. ‘The right guy better win.’ But remember, I’m just the messenger.” Dan Glammer was first runner-up and the winner was ... the Right Guy. Again, the crowd was screaming. God damn was that a good feeling.

I am told that the competition wasn’t particularly tough, but I am also told that regardless of the competition, the set was good.  I won a gift certificate to Circuit City and paid weekend spots at the club. I know I said this earlier in the post, but Fuckin’ A!!!.

I watched the tape of the second night (also to be posted on “charlesstar.com” when I get the site designed and live) and liked a lot of what I saw.  But ... my delivery can get a little gimmicky.  I hate my voice as much as I ever have (never understood how people listen to me; I hear myself on an answering machine and cringe).  I slouch and look down too much.  I didn’t really have the set memorized (but I knew that going in) so I had to refer to the sheet.  Still, the material was solid, I didn’t step on the punchlines, I transitioned well between jokes and I was conversational instead of stilted. For my second time on stage I think it was pretty fucking impressive (if I do say so myself).

Thanks to everyone that came out to see me, everyone that encouraged me, everyone that has promised to come out in the future and everyone who congratulated me in the comments section of my last post.

You guys are the greatest.

I’ll keep you posted on future dates.