Rick's Cafe Americain

So, having annointed myself the “King of MicroBlind Hold Em” (TM), it was time for a little live ring game action. A couple of the guys from the UCB crew have recently purchased a new table. It is beautiful. Red felt, cushioned rail, cupholders and a soft playing surface. It also takes up the ENTIRE kitchen/"foyer" of their apartment. You have to respect that.

JCatz, Mullaney, Stony, Sheffield, WickerMan and I sat down to a game of 1/2 no limit at 10:30; Deke and Wadell joined us later on. Everyone bought in for $20.

The ring games are always more chatty than the tournaments. I’m not sure why; the financial stakes are higher in the ring game. It probably comes down to pride. Nobody minds losing small amounts of money and even if you win, the money in these games isn’t enough to live on anyway. On the other hand, bragging rights from one win last a while and everyone knows if you bust out early.

I started strong. I was playing tight and betting aggressively when I had the cards to make a play. No stone bluffs, but I did a decent job of representing a stronger hand than I was holding when I read the other players as weak. I tried not to bet into strength and almost always avoided trouble. I also made a few drawing bets that panned out - a nut flush here, a nut straight there ... I slowly built up my stack and was probably sitting on almost $50 at the peak of the night. Most of the money came from JCatz, but I was doing a good job of spreading the pain. It didn’t last, though.

Aces are what you want to see when you look at your cards, but things took an unfortunate turn for me when I finally saw them. I raised, of course, to $3. Enough, I figured, that I’d get a caller or two, but not so little that my aces were in a family pot. The flop came Q-9-x with two spades. I put another $5 into the pot; not quite a pot-sized bet, but I just didn’t feel like counting out the pot. JCatz called. I knew he was on a draw. The turn was a brick and I bet out another $15, expecting a fold. The odds were distincly against calling on a flush draw. JCatz called anyway. The river was a spade, and JCatz checked to me. I checked back because I knew he had me. He turned over T♠9♠. He has tried to check raise me on the river in the past. He always does it with his drawing hands. It isn’t a tell so much as a strategy. As much as I lost on that hand, if I hadn’t read him for the flush I could have dumped a lot more. He also nailed me on the trouble hand of the night. I got away (sort of) cheap on that one too, but only because JCatz was as afraid of me as I was of him.

I had Q♠3♠ and limped in from the SB. The raise was small enough, and the play was loose enough, that I thought I could keep my senses and hope for a perfect flop. The flop was 4-4-3. I didn’t put anyone on a pocket pair, and knew that I could get away from the hand if a 4 bet back at me. Who would have a 4 anyway? So I threw in a pot-sized bet, which, at this point, was only $1.50. JCatz called. The turn was a brick and I checked. JCatz made a small bet - smaller than the pot. I couldn’t decide if it was a trap or a steal, so I called. JCatz is aggressive, and I think he tries to steal often against players that don’t have confidence in their cards. The river was a 6 and he went all-in when I checked to him. Fuck that. I don’t have that much confidence in my threes. I mucked my cards and he showed 46o! Ooof!

I spent a lot of time blinding down after that. I took a small pot or two, but my play was weak and my stack was shrinking. As the time passed 2PM, we decided that we would wrap it up after one more orbit. During that orbit, on consecutive hands, JCatz rivered Sheffield (who made a GREAT call on a bluff by JCatz that pushed him all-in) and busted him out, and Deke busted out Stony. Down to five players, and only two hands to go, I found myself up roughly 75 cents.

Waddell raised under the gun to $2.50. JCatz called, Deke and Mullaney folded. In the big blind I saw a pair of tens. My first pair in quite some time. I raised to $7.50. It took Waddell roughly a breath and a half to say “I’m going all-in” and JCatz another single breath to complain “You knew he was going to do that” as he mucked his cards.

But I didn’t know. I haven’t played at the same table as Waddell much. I knew that he was tight - he limped into just one hand in his first hour at the ring - but I didn’t know how tight. People will say that there was a clue in his sig file on the UCB message board ("I’ve got kings. Fucking fold already."), but would a guy telegraph his game in a sig file? I decided that four hours is a long goddamn time to play poker to lose $7. There is dignity in busting out; none in slowly bleeding. It was with that tortured logic that I said “Call.”

He had kings.

The cards that came were uneventful - except for JCatz’s lament that my raise cost him his chance to play his ace, which would have paired up on the flop - and I went bust. At least I had my dignity.

Right?

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While the Bush campaign has worked hard to portray John Kerry as a “flip-flopper”, it has built up a contrasting image for the president as a constant, stalwart, committed man guided by the strength of his never-changing convictions. Oh, and on his ability to win the war on terror. Let’s take a look at that unwavering leadership, shall we?

Our fine, noble, god-fearing Justice Department has been allowed to redact certain portions of the ACLU’s submissions in the ongoing litigationn over the USA PATRIOT Act. One of the things those nice boys at Justice decided was inappropriate for the public to read was a direct quote from a published Supreme Court decision:

"The danger to political dissent is acute where the Government attempts to act under so vague a concept as the power to protect ‘domestic security.’ Given the difficulty of defining the domestic security interest, the danger of abuse in acting to protect that interest becomes apparent."

I wonder why they wanted that redacted?

Via The Memory Hole (thanks to Brother-in-law of Rick for the tip-off).

Between sweating Nixma at the Brooklyn poker room, my forays into PL Omaha after the A.M. tournament and my generally decent play at NL tournaments, I thought that I could stand to use a little more NL ring in my life.

This morning’s tale is what happens when things go right. This afternoon will be about when they go wrong.

Before I get to my play, a word about the interface at Bugsy’s Club, and why it is the best around.

(1) There are no avatars - each seat has a “brass” plate with the player’s name and chip count. A rollover with the mouse tells you where they are from - city, state and country. (The avatars on Party just take up space. The avatars at True are infuriating. I actually prefer the picture frame at Stars, but Stars has plenty of negatives to make up for the innovation of the picture frame. Most places don’t list state or country, so if you are playing against friends that live in Tulsa and a Tulsa suburb you have no way of knowing.)

(2) The text window on the side is large enough that you can read the betting history on an entire hand for most hands. (Stars and Party have such small text boxes that they are useless. It is like reading a P-Touch.)

(3) The text window lists the cards that people were holding at showdown. (If you want to review a hand, particularly to see what kinds of kickers a guy will call a bet with, it helps to have all of the information in front of you. IIRC, Stars and Party just say what the player’s hand was, not the cards he was holding, unless you order the hand history.)

(4) Below the table is a permanent selection of betting options, and really all of the options you need: A text bar to type in a bet, eight check-boxes (fold, check, check/fold, call, raise, bet pot, all-in) and three buttons that go live when the action is on you (fold, call, raise whatever is typed in). It is simple and efficient. (Sliders suck. Even worse is having the buttons change on you. I’ve acted against my will on Stars and Party when I was trying to preselect a move and the buttons changed in front of me because the action before me was too fast.)

To recap: On one, unchanging screen, you have an easy to read table without annoying avatars, all the hand information you could want and easily navigable buttons. Not to mention the fast preflop dealing, tension-maintaining pace of all-ins and preservation of cards up at showdown to let players read the board. Everyone else is primitive by comparison.

The problem with Bugsy’s, as Grubby recently wrote*, is that there aren’t enough players and the ones online are usually students at the well-regarded (and affiliated) Poker School Online. On the other hand, I love that interface ... and what kind of real player is playing .05/.10 no limit?

Yep, I decided to make my stand in the smallest game they were spreading. And the answer to my question: not very good ones. Bugsy’s allows you to buy in for up to $50 in the microblind game, but I constantly saw people buying in for less than $5. They are fishy enough that they clearly don’t understand the importance of stack size. Just play tight and the table is easy. In two short sessions my deposit went from $23 to $53 and I don’t think I lost a showdown. That streak can’t last, but it is indicative. Be warned, however, the fine print when you sign up tells you that you have to play a lot of poker before you can withdraw without penalty as Grubby found out.*

I don’t have hands to report from these sessions, since I wasn’t taking notes, but I can tell you that people were calling substantial preflop raises and then substantial postflop raises with middle pair on a ten-high board. My premium hands were getting paid off EVERY TIME - they weren’t even calling with draws.

I’m going to stick around this room for a while.

*To find the Grubster’s comments, scroll down to Wednesday, August 25 and past the web coupons he is passing out. He must have the only blog in creation that doesn’t allow you to link to individual entries.

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I joined the throngs marching against the RNC yesterday and found mostly that marching in really large throngs isn’t exactly my bag. Still, it is 3:30AM and I feel like sharing.

I at least was smart enough NOT to arrive at 10AM. The march wasn’t scheduled to begin until noon, so I arrived at 11:30 and made my way to what was, at the time, the back of the pack between 15th and 16th. And I waited. And waited. And waited.

Did I mention that the single most painful thing for my bad back is standing still? Finally, at a little before 1:00, the line started moving verrrrrry slowly. At around 3:00 I found myself at 28th St., hungry, cranky and still in some pain since the slow walking-in-baby-steps-in-a-crowd turns out to be a very close second to just standing still. The only real relief I had was the good fortune to be in the shade provided by the big inflated pig for a lot of my death march. So I bailed before reaching 34th St.

While I’m very much anti-Bush, I have to admit that I was getting a little tired of having to walk behind a lot of anti-Israeli banners and “Bush is responsible for 9/11” silliness anyway. Not to mention all of the Socialist Workers Party literature. I want those folks to vote for Kerry, so I’m glad that they are riled up, but I really don’t relish the thought of ending up in a random crowd shot next to any of them.

When I turned off at 28th St. I ran into a pocket of conservative counterprotesters. I was actually impressed with some of the signs. They showed an ironic sensibility that I didn’t think existed on the other side of the aisle ("Keep black children in black schools! Say NO to Vouchers!") On the other hand, one sign I saw near the train at 34th St. said “Stop the Economic Boom Started By George Bush!” I thought about congratulating the signholder for having the one counterprotest sign that displayed neither intelligence nor humor, but I was too tired at that point to want to engage anyone in conversation.

To be charitable, it may have been a canny reference to the common conservative claim that Clinton benefitted politically from the ecomomic policies of Bush the Elder but to credit him for that I would have to simultaneously dock him for not realizing that the period of prosperity he was referring to is already over.

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I can’t figure out how to upload an image, but I love the caption to the photo on this article about the protest.

Part one of my poker update was such a relief to get off of my chest, I am typing part two right away but giving it a day to simmer, thus the 9/27 posting date.

I played a second tournament last night. Even though asphnxma beat me to the recap, and the tournament didn’t go so well for me, I’m going to publish anyway.

I’m not starting with the tournament, though. After the last tournament, I got a meager three hours of sleep and readied myself for a trip to Portland. I won’t bore you with the non-poker details of the trip except to plug two things:

(1) My friend Zale is one of the producers of Pickathon, a bluegrass festival at Horning’s Hideout in North Plains, Oregon. It is this weekend, and I highly recommend it for music fans on the West Coast.

(2) I fought through my back pain and went hiking through the Columbia Gorge. Based on our starting point and the diversions we took from the main trail, I think we covered ~4.5 miles. Strangely enough, 4.5 miles of hiking actually made my back feel better. And it really is gorgeous. The link has some great pics of the waterfalls we went past.

No Limit for No Money

When we got back to the house we were too tired to do anything except ... play poker! So we found a coffee can full of change, passed out a little over a dollar to everyone and played a little .01/.02 no limit. Carrie is becoming a decent player, but still needs work on starting hands. Wendy chases too much, and for some reason considers feeding her child more important than playing. Zale started aggressive, but eventually it came back to bite him. He also needed a little bit of work on “outs”. Still, it was a fun game while it lasted. We didn’t count the change at the end, but I think I may have managed to work my way back into the lead. Hard to tell, though. Carrie had most of Wendy’s money, and I had most of Zale’s.

After returning from Oregon on Monday, I spent a day sleeping off the effects of a sleepless redeye flight that took the painful Portland-Dallas-LaGuardia route. Tuesday, however, brought the prospect of poker in my old neighborhood. A poker room opened up a mere three blocks from my former apartment - and a little over a mile form where I live now. Asphnxma wanted to write a review of the joint, so we decided to meet at Boudoir Bar for my audition and then head over to the room.

Brooklyn Player’s Club

I’ll let Nixma tell you about the room, because I couldn’t get a game. I didn’t feel comfortable playing no limit ring because of the quite painful last time I sat down to play no-limit ring. The 3/6 limit game never materialized, so I just sweated Nixma’s action for a while. He was better than the table and if he didn’t feel like leaving after an hour, he probably could have taken some serious coin. He still finished up ~$45, net of tips and time charges.

Above Malibu

The next night was another A.M. tournament. Again I was late, this time because I had a 9PM spot at NYCC. (You can read about the spot here.) The tournament was mostly uneventful for me. I folded and folded and folded some more. And then I folded a little bit. And then I limped and folded to a raise. I should have just bought in, left and been blinded away. It wouldn’t have been so embarrassing. Shortstacked, Moug kept rereaising all-in from the big blind, and I never had cards to call. OK, once I had the cards to call. I didn’t really know what kind of a player Moug is. I’ve never been at his table for more than a few orbits, so I gave him too much credit. Embarrassingly, I laid down A♥Q♥ when I should have known better. KQo folded behind me, and was equally despondent about tossing in his cards. In exchange for T25, Moug showed me K♥2♥. Fuck. But if I’m going to be a pussy, I shouldn’t expect to win.

Eventually my tournament ended when the blinds got up to 25a/150/300 and I was dealt KK in MP. I went all-in for my last 525, expecting a bunch of callers, since the raise was so small. Not only did CO and the button fold, but the SB folded as well. That left the BB who was essentially forced to call because the price was worth it - I didn’t even make a complete raise off of the 300 he already had invested. He turned over Q2 and caught a deuce on the flop and a queen on the river. Good night, folks, I’m out of here. 15th place of 28, and I played worse than that. And then the fun began.

I wanted to keep playing, so I bought into the .25/.50 no-limit hold ‘em game in the Loser’s Lounge. A $20 buy-in is standard in the LL games, so I didn’t figure to lose too much money. Money was hardly the point at this table. When I sat down, JCatz was in the middle of an extended Scotty Nguyen impression. Well, except for all of the losing. He was raising like crazy, and serenading the table with all of Scotty’s greatest hits from the WSOP, including “If you call me you gonna lose” and “You can’t beat these cards.” He called a preflop raise in the dark. And then called a post-flop all-in on the same hand in the dark. And announced to the table that he was open-ended. Which, oddly enough, he was. With flush outs. But the turn and river were unkind, and MattPack took the stack. The Nguyen accent disappeared for a minute or two while he recovered his wits after taking the pounding. It didn’t deter him, though. After reloading, and building his stack up to $35, he called an all-in with JJ - and ran into Wadell’s QQ. He caught his J on the flop, but Wadell hit another Q on the river. Still not afraid, he reloaded again. I’m pretty sure that he didn’t finish up for the night, but he did make a nice recovery during the last hour.

I played tight and well. The highlight of my game was a check-raise when I hit a set with my 44. I got called and when the turn was a brick, went all-in. I wanted a call, but will take the fold. Otherwise, my night was uneventful, though I finished up $15 for the ring, and therefore $5 for the night.

The non-played hand highlight of the night was when JCatz insisted that some random gutteral noise that Stony made was an “all-in” declaration, which he quickly called with top pair. The table agreed that JCatz was crazy (Stony folded K2o), but when we went rabbit hunting, the turn was a 2 and the river was a K. There was serious consideration given to making JCatz pay up, since he was the one insisting that Stony had gone all-in in the first place.

The real highlight of the night, however, was asphnxma’s near-meltdown. He describes the hand in his own recap, so I’ll leave the nitty-gritty to him, but he didn’t give you the visual that we all saw. All we heard was asphnxma yell “I lost both pots! I don’t believe it.” I think he may have cussed. I know that he threw down his hat and then, for good measure, threw down his shades (an experiment to test the strategy for when he plays in the WPT event at the Borgata). I’ve NEVER seen Nixma lose his shit before, and I’ve seen him take some brutal beats. He still had chips, though, and made it to 4th place.

Another good night Above Malibu. I even got a parking space right in front.

Blogger news

I should have done this a while ago, but I’ve added Poker in the Weeds to the blogroll. Derek is Pauly’s brother, so I doubt that this will be a significant boost in his traffic, but he deserves a link and he gets a link. When is this kid going to play at the Blue Parrot, anyway?

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The season starts tomorrow and while my interest in most sports has waned since my teen years, my passion for college football has only increased. While it may sound odd in wake of the many scandals and the ever increasing influence of money, the purity of the game is one of the things that attracts me. There is nothing quite like going to Ohio Stadium or the Big House with more than 100,000 fans sitting (or standing) on BLEACHERS, to watch the greatest rivalry in sports. Below you will find analysis, predictions and previews on the upcoming season and, of course, Buckeye talk.

Major changes in College Football

The 2004 season brings yet another BCS formula and also instant reply to the Big Ten. The BCS has been a comedy of errors as they tweak the formula nearly every year. This year they have taken steps to simplify the process and have essentially handed things back to the pollsters as the formula will be 1/3 AP poll, 1/3 Coaches poll and 1/3 a computer average. Since the AP and Coaches polls usually tend to mirror one another, don’t expect the computers to have much sway. It would be nice if this renewed emphasis means the pollsters will take their jobs more seriously, but don’t bet on it. Look for pre-season hype, “when” you lose, coaching assistants, blow out scores and high powered offenses to rule the rankings, while dominating defenses and ball control offenses get slighted, even though LSU last year and Ohio State in 2002 (not to mention NFL examples like the Patriots and Ravens) won national titles with bone crushing defense, not high octane offense.

The Big Ten has adopted instant reply, but there are no coaches challenges in this system. Whether to review or not will be decided from the booth. I predict there will be some good reversals, but at least one or two monster flubs where the booth “misses” an opportunity for review and some coach (JoePa) goes ballistic.

Ranking the BCS Conferences

How do I rank the conferences? First, I look at how many top tier and second tier teams the conference has. Top tier teams are legitimate top ten teams with a realistic chance of challenging for a title and second tier teams are top 25 teams or teams that could realistically challenge for a top 25 spot. Looking at things from that perspective alone clearly separates the top four conferences from the bottom two. Then, I look at relative strength of the top tier teams, how many second tier teams have a shot to challenge the big boys and overall conference depth. Without further adieu.

6. The Big East: No top tier teams and, realistically, only three teams that would have a chance of being middle of the pack in the other major conferences (West Virginia, Pitt and Boston College, with Syracuse, UConn and Rutgers being possible up and comers), with West Virginia probably the only one who might be able to manage a winning record in any other BCS conference other than the Pac-10. It is possible that some non-BCS conferences might be better than the Big Least this year. On the bright side, as a basketball conference, the Big East has no peers. Conf. winner: West Virginia.

5. The Pac-10: USC is world class and deserves all the hype, but the conference falls off the talent cliff after the Trojans. Out of Oregon, Oregon State, Washington St. and Cal, two will probably emerge as legitimate second tier schools, but that can’t measure up with the big four. Conf. winner: USC.

4. The Big 12: The Big 12 has two top tier teams in Oklahoma and Texas, but they lost some luster last year when seemingly unbeatable Oklahoma got crushed by Kansas St. (who then got dominated by Ohio State) and then overwhelmed by LSU to end the season, while Texas, fresh off another spanking from Oklahoma, lost to unheralded Washington St. in its bowl game. Oklahoma will have a chip on its shoulder this year and Texas always has tons of talent, so you still have to consider them top tier teams; however, Texas has to prove it can compete with Oklahoma, let alone beat them, before they can really be taken seriously. Kansas St. is a legitimate second tier team that has threatened the last few years to crack into the top tier, but I think they take a step back this year. Missouri and Nebraska are other squads that get press as second tier teams, and they may be, but I doubt either can be more than an edge of the top 25 team, at best. The Big 12 has a couple other solid teams capable of pulling upsets and also some garbage pickers like Baylor and Iowa St. A very good conference, but clearly a step behind the next three. Oklahoma is a strong title contender. Conf. winner: Oklahoma (over K. State in the championship game).

3. The ACC: Now it gets hard and as the season shakes out these next three conferences could easily change positions. The ACC is the media darling as the strongest conference in America, but I don’t see it. Florida St. and Miami give the conference two legitimate top tier schools, but I don’t find either of these squads as scary as teams they have had the prior five years, especially Miami. Florida St. is probably the better of the two, but Miami has had their number for years and FSU has the harder schedule. Beyond the big two, the ACC is suddenly loaded with potential second tier schools, with Virginia Tech being imported and N.C. St., Maryland, Virginia and Clemson coming on in recent years. However, I see Virginia Tech and N.C. St. taking a step back (out of the top 25) and I think Virginia and Clemson are overrated (though Maryland is probably underrated). Georgia Tech, Wake Forest are solid teams that could pull upsets, while Duke and North Carolina are already looking forward to March Madness. A solid conference and, if I am wrong on my reads, could be the best conference in America. Conf. winner: Miami.

2. The Big Ten: With six teams ranked in both polls, the Big Ten leads all conferences. Ohio State and Michigan give the Big Ten two top tier teams that could make title runs. The Buckeyes have a young team (having had a record 14 players drafted last year) and should be lights out in 2005; however, with the addition of some super transfers and frosh, I believe Ohio State will have a top 5 defense again, while the previously anemic offense will be more explosive, which gives them a shot at running the table. But if the Buckeyes offensive line and running backs do not improve from last year and if the new quarterback is shaky, they may fall from the top ten. Michigan is loaded at wide receiver, O-Line and defense; however, they will be breaking in a new QB and RB. If those spots work out, Michigan is a serious title threat ― except that you can count on their coaches to blow one or two games they should win. Nevertheless, I have a feeling the Wolverines may show up in Columbus undefeated to tangle with the Buckeyes. Iowa gives the Big Ten a second tier team that has been on the edge of being a top tier team the last couple years. The Hawkeyes have questions again this year, but, they have had Michigan’s number of late and get the Buckeyes at home. If things break right, Iowa could steal the Big Ten title from the Big Boys and/or have a top ten finish. Minnesota is a recent addition to second tier status and they are looking to crack the top tier; however, I put them in the category of the Kansas States and Virginia Techs of recent years, they will win a bunch of games by gaudy scores, but they will lose to the top ten teams. Nevertheless, a dark horse. Wisconsin is another legitimate second tier team, that has disappointed the last few seasons, but could break out in a big way this year. Purdue has been a solidly consistent Top 25 team, has the best quarterback in the Big Ten and took media darling Georgia to overtime in last year’s bowl game. Flying under the radar with a favorable home schedule, they could make some noise this year. The Big Ten also has three other teams that, while not second tier, have legitimate bowl aspirations in Penn State, Michigan State and Northwestern. Finally, the dogs of the conference, Illinois and Indiana, round things out, though Illinois might have a chance to bounce back into a semi-respectable team. All in all, there are no weeks off in the Big Ten, unless you are playing Indiana. Conf. winner: Ohio State.

1. The SEC: LSU has clearly emerged as a clear national power and title contender after last season and most pundits rate Georgia one as well. I am not completely sold on the Bulldogs. They have yet to prove that they can beat the top teams and their struggles with Florida are legendary, but they are still a legitimate pre-season top ten team, if over-hyped at #3. Florida is also intriguing. I, and many others, think they have slipped a little and are a top level second tier team, but not a legitimate national power (remember, they got drubbed by Iowa in their bowl game). Others think they are a top tier team with outside title aspirations. Much the same is true for Tennessee, though they are more solidly entrenched in second tier status. After those four, things get a little more questionable in the SEC, though Auburn, Alabama, Arkansas and Mississippi all have the potential to be legitimate teams. Look for two or three of those teams to be solid and at least one to be a major disappointment. South Carolina is a team that could surprise and then Kentucky, Vanderbilt and Mississippi State form the bottom tier of the conference, but none of those teams are true garbage feeders like the other conferences have. I give the SEC the slight edge over the Big Ten because LSU clearly deserves its lofty pre-season ranking, even if Georgia may not, the rest of the conference depth is similar to the Big Ten and no one in the SEC is as bad as Indiana. Conf. winner: LSU (over Georgia in the title game).

Most Overrated

1. West Virginia: The Mountaineers are ranked 10th or 11th in most preseason polls. However, they would be significant underdogs to all other top ten teams and many of the teams ranked behind them. They are a media darling solely because of a soft schedule and the fact that they are probably the best team in the Big East. Look for them to be embarrassed if they make it to a BCS bowl as the Big East representative (not a guarantee, and that alone demonstrates they are overrated).

2. Cal: #13 AP, #15 Coaches. They shocked USC last year and had a good season beating Virginia Tech by three in a 99 point bowl game. Yet they are still Cal and this ranking is more the result of the Pac 10 being down than Cal being this good. They might be an edge of the top 25 team, but no better.

3. The ACC: Another media darling. They deserve to be in the discussion for best conference in America and could prove it over the course of the season, but they don’t deserve being labeled by many media outlets as the clearly #1 conference.

4. Georgia: A legitimate top 10 team with title aspirations if they can have a great season, but they have to show me a lot more before they deserve the # 3 ranking the AP gives them ― admittedly, however, after USC, LSU and Oklahoma, a tie for #4 between Georgia, FSU, Miami, Texas, Michigan and Ohio State would probably be about right.

Not getting enough respect

1. The Big Ten: Yet again, the Big Ten is being written off by the media as not as good as the SEC, the Big 12 and now the ACC, despite six teams in the top 25. Hogwash.

Orange Bowl Prediction

Oklahoma over USC in the Orange Bowl. USC is a no brainer for the title game. They have, by far, the easiest schedule of the top 9 teams, with Virginia Tech on neutral turf possibly being their toughest game (Cal at home and Oregon St. on the road being the other contenders). In contrast, every other top 9 team plays one of the other top 9 teams. If USC loses more than once, there should be an investigation and, by starting off at #1, they are well positioned to absorb one loss (unless the pollsters actually take into account their weak schedule…look for USC to top the human, but not computer, polls all season, which could create some fun debates).

Oklahoma probably has the best chance to go undefeated of the other top 9 teams, with their toughest game being Texas, who they have absolutely owned in recent years. I see USC going into the Orange Bowl as a big favorite after crushing teams all year and getting upset.

Teams to watch out for. Michigan could just be nasty this year and they will want to get USC back for last year’s Rose Bowl. Ohio State has a good shot at navigating its season until Michigan if things gel right and we have the Wolverines in Columbus. If there are not two undefeated teams (and there usually are not), LSU will have a good claim for a spot if they navigate the SEC with one loss. Also, Florida St. and Miami open the season against each other, so even the loser can be well positioned if they can run the table after that. The only other teams to talk about are Georgia and West Virginia (simply b/c they play such a weak schedule). I would be shocked if some other team plays for the title this year.

Opening weekend

The only significant game this weekend is USC vs. Virginia Tech. I’d love to see Tech pull an upset, but look for USC to roll big.

Ohio State

For those of you still reading, it is time to talk about the Buckeyes. Look for OSU to have the scariest linebacking core in America and a stacked secondary and a solid D-Line. You can count on their defense being one of, if the best, in the country. Offensively, there are many questions. A young offensive line, a new quarterback, the underachieving Lydell Ross and solid but unspectacular wide receivers and tight ends. Nevertheless, I expect the offense to surprise this year and be much more productive than the last two seasons. I see Tressel loosening the reins, especially since he can’t rely on great punting this year. However, I also expect it to make more mistakes this year, something that has not happened the last two years. Unfortunately, I think those mistakes will cost the Buckeyes in at least one game pre-Michigan this year.

Finally, remember the name Ted Ginn Jr. He will start his splash this year and he is going to be special (as a DB, returner and part-time WR) before all is said and done.

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Talking Points Memo points out that when the Republicans say that Bush has been the victim of 527 abuse, what they mean is that true, but damaging, things have been said in ads. It reminds me of the old evidence joke: “Objection, your honor, that evidence should be excluded as it is highly prejudicial to my client.” Pretty much encapsulates the way the Bush team works.

Anyway, one of the things the Republicans claim these “shadowy groups” said is that “President Bush poisoned pregnant women.” Now, as TPM points out, nobody said that. However, I did say he was poisoning babies. Is Rick’s a “shadowy group”?

I tried to get a gig in Portland to keep myself sharp, but the only comedy club in Portland that I know about didn’t return my phone calls. Just for that you don’t get a link Portland-comedy-club, and I won’t even mention your name! And I am going to pretend that this hurts you, even though it is probably a loss of (maybe) two clickthroughs.

Since returning, I’ve done two spots: an audition at Boudoir Bar in Cobble Hill and a bringer show at NYCC on E.24th Street. Both were a touch unusual.

Boudoir Bar

About a month ago, I did an open mic at the Underground Lounge. One of the comics, Pete Holmes, told me that Boudoir Bar has auditions on Tuesday night. I planned on going the following night and joining him and his friend Vito Lantz, but the skies opened up and I didn’t make it out. Pete was kind enough to give me the skinny, however. He told me that the audition was a little odd; he and Vito were the only comics there, and there was nobody at the bar except Lisa, the bartender/talent scout. On the upside, he told me that even though there was no audience, Lisa was a good laugher.

Pete was right on all accounts except one: he thought that there was nobody at the bar because of the rain, but it appears that Tuesday is just a slow night at Boudoir. Asphnxma met me at the bar so that we could play a little poker afterwards, and he managed to check out my act without having to pay a cover or minimum. Also without helping me out with my bringer requirements. Don’t think you’re off the hook, bub. (Of course, I missed his last improv appearance, so I’ll be quiet now. Also I showed up at the bar almost a half hour late, so I’ll REALLY shut up now.)

I didn’t feel like jumping right into my set, so asphnxma, Lisa and I talked for a while over a glass of wine (it’s a wine bar, you see). About comedy some, about poker some. I was making Lisa laugh during the converation, so I considered that a good sign. Lisa, apropos of nothing, is quite cute.

After clearing my head with drink (yes, that makes sense), we all decided that it was time to audition. The mic wasn’t turned on, but with only three people in the room, I decided to just perform without it. There isn’t much to say except that the set went well. I think I adjusted well to the fact that (a) asphnxma hadn’t seen any of the convention coverage and (b) neither one of them has seen Spider Man 2. I imagine that you have deduced that these would help the listener get the jokes. At least both of them were able to see that I needed to lose weight and are familiar with “sex,” so those jokes had no familiarity issues. The audition went well, and Lisa said that she would recommend me to the booker. Good news - and a good feeling.

Alas, when I emailed Pete he told me that he still hadn’t heard from the club after that audition. He did tell me that there is a separate audition for their main comedy show - the Saturday night show - and I should stop by on a Saturday and talk to Larry. So I will. I think the Saturday show may be a little above my level, though. I’ve heard that a lot of the comics on that show have already had appearances on shows like Premium Blend, so I might not be ready for that show yet.

Still, its worth a shot.

New York Comedy Club

My show at NYCC started inauspiciously. Steve Arons, the person who promoted the NYCC shows that I had been doing, quit. I don’t exactly have the details, but it appears to be a combination of animosity between him and the club owner and Steve landing roles in independent films and wishing to further pursue his acting career.

Between you and me, I appreciate that he kept booking me, but he really wasn’t much of a comic, and since he never actually watched anybody perform I can’t imagine how he could really help me out beyond giving me more time in the New Talent room at NYCC. The new host, Buddy Flip, is, at the very least, a better comic than Steve. He also expressed a desire to actually watch the comedians he books and to give them feedback. Thumbs up so far. He also put me into his 9/2 show, so at least I’m still working at the club.

On the downside, they are upping the bringer requirement to 4 and they told me that they don’t take internet reservations for the New Talent shows - if you book online I only get half credit. This is a bit of a gyp, since even though the cover is half price, the two-drink minimum is full price. Maybe someday when I have juice I’ll complain to them, but right now I can only complain to you. Also, since Buddy doesn’t know me, I’m back to doing 5 minute sets at NYCC. I had been up to 7, and now that I’ve slid back, I had to adjust the material I was planning to fit the shorter time frame.

The show itself went very well. Buddy put me on early, probably because even though I haven’t been doing this very long, I’m older than most folks starting out and, if I do say so myself, I carry myself like someone who knows what is going on. Note: I don’t know what’s going on, but I appear that I do.

I had only three people there (thanks Mom, Roz and Simone), so I was going to have to get the crowd myself. Fortunately, the crowd was good, and they came to laugh. My material went well. The Teresa Heinz Kerry joke went extremely well - and I’m not even sure that most of the crowd really was familiar with her marital backstory. Overall, an excellent night. I got on early, I got off early, I brownnosed a little by sticking around long enough to watch Buddy’s set and then I headed off to play some poker.

Gigs

{whoring} I have gigs coming up, and I could use some bodies for the September 2 show (and possibly 9/8 as well), so come on out. I’m getting better, and I’m rotating in new material on almost every show. {/whoring}

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I’m a bad, irresponsible blogger. I’ve been playing poker, I’ve been performing, I’ve been generally enjoying life, but I haven’t been writing about any of it. And when I have written, it hasn’t always been particularly interesting. Well, that is about to change. Temporarily. Except for the “not interesting” part; I expect that to hold up quite well.

So, as I said, I’ve been playing poker. The last eight days have seen two UCB tournaments at Above Malibu. Sure, you may have gotten your recap needs for the 8/18 tournament met by asphnxma, but I’ve got a story to tell anyway. Last week’s tournament was bracketed by the Churchwarden’s game and a touch of Pot Limit Omaha after the UCB tournament. Last night was a new tournament followed by a bit of baby no limit. In between I had the pleasure of sweating asphnxma at a local poker room and playing a little four handed NL with newbies for play money. Somehow, I haven’t played online at all, but there is a story there too.

As I read this, I can see that this post would be far too long, so I suspect I will break it up a bit. I know that you are ~~all~~ both relieved. We start on the evening of August 18.

The Abbey

It had been a bad week. My back, an orthopedic mess for over 15 years now - dating back to my sophomore year in college - had gone on the fritz again. In addition to the usual lower back soreness with considerable sciatic pain I had the pleasure of what appeared to be either (a) a strained muscle in my ribcage or (b) a new midback injury that was causing muscle spasms in my ribcage. The new injury had wonderful symptoms that included doubling over in pain and screwing my face up in a wince not seen since those Keystone Light commercials. I should have been worried that my back was going to explode when I flew to Portland in the morning. I was worried that it was a tell.

Everyone at the Churchwarden’s game knew that I could only play from 7:30 to 10:30. I specifically requested that people arrive on time so that we could get in as much poker as possible. The reaction was mixed. People weren’t clear if I was being a dick because I was now a prima donna artist or if I was being a dick because I wanted to maximize my take. Nobody guessed that I was being a dick so that I could get to another poker game. Somehow, they managed to make me pay.

I can’t say that I remember much about my play. It was a long day of suckouts and second-best hands. Mostly losing to Joel, who returned to the game to torture me. On back to back Omaha hands, my J♣ flush lost to his Q♣ when the K&clubs on the river improved my hand but counterfeited my nut straight. On the next hand he rivered me again. Most of my money was lost on good ol’ shitty play, however, so this shouldn’t be seen as anything but an attempt to salvage a bit of pride. I chased highs that didn’t come; I chased lows that didn’t come; I chased a low that ended up being split three ways - and then beaten - which was also a high that was split three ways - and then beaten. (The low and high were 23567 and 34567, respectively. They lost to A2567 and 45678.)

Helmut played his aggressive ass off early in the night, and would have been the big winner by a comfortable margin ... until he vomited off $20 in a game of .25-5 7-stud when he bet on what was clearly the best low hand. Only to remember as he was flipping his cards that the dealer declaration was “HIGH ONLY.” Instead, the Churchwarden swooped in with slow and steady play to finish slightly ahead.

Where was I in all of this? Slowly steaming away my $60 buy-in. The only thing that saved me was when I flopped the nuts both ways on the last hand of the night. I had withered down to $6, but a triple through plus the blinds allowed me to leave with a touch of dignity - and $40 less than I started with.

The cash out process brought on a muscle spasm in my ribs so severe that Helmut was worried that I was having a heart attack. This type of pain is rare, as anyone who looks at me would be shocked to find out that there are muscles on my ribcage. Nobody (including me) can tell if it was the back pain or the cashout that was making me wince, but whatever it was, I had to hightail it up to 23d street to jump into the A.M. tournament.

Above Malibu

As always, I arrived late. Wednesday evenings usually mean either a game at The Abbey or a performance at New York Comedy Club. Even after a bad performance on stage I usually don’t feel as despondent as I did after steaming off money at the Abbey, but a no limit tournament is, literally, a different game. This turned out to be the craziest game I have ever played in.

I was essentially a folding machine. I was playing far too tight for the table and giving up opportunities. My game is generally to play very tight, and has been successful in the past, but the table is starting to get a read on me. The upshot of my tight play is that I don’t get any action from the good players when I bet. I have to take advantage of this in the future, but I’m finding it difficult to convince myself to loosen up. The only hand I played was an all-in reraise from the big blind when MattPack tried to steal-raise from the small blind. I had a high A and put him on a steal. He mucked his cards, unwilling to call off whatever he was holding. After another eternity of folding, I was dealt K♦Q♦ in the cutoff. David made a small raise under the gun and it was folded around to me. With a below average stack - which was slowly slipping away - I figured it was time to take a stand. My table image was solid enough that I was hoping for the blinds plus David’s raise. What I got instead was a call from a player holding KK. This was very briefly bad news, but a Q on the flop, her sister on the turn and a brick on the river meant that I had doubled through with a HUGE underdog. This was the theme of the night.

It was almost inconceivable. I can’t remember a hand where a smart call paid off or a stupid call paid the price. Asphnxma was on the receiving end of a horrible beat when a player called an all-in push with K7o. I doubled through as the short stack when I pushed with T4o before the blinds came through again - and spiked a 4 on the turn to take down AJ. My A♣5 beat AJ when I caught four clubs to make my flush. At least five hands (some I was involved in, some I wasn’t) had similar results during the final table. Each time the short stack doubled through and the final table just kept on playing as if we were in purgatory. I was happy with my play at the Final Table of the Damned, however. With the exception of the early KQs miracle, even when I sucked out, I at least was able to say I was the aggressor. Even when I started from behind it was generally agreed that the call of my push was always more surprising than the push itself. So it went on the hand that crippled me.

The blinds had climbed up to 400/2000/4000. Even though I was the big stack, I only had ~20000 and I didn’t have a very big lead. That meant that stealing blinds was more than worthwhile, and with only four players left KTo in the small blind looked like a great hand. The cutoff and the button both folded and I pushed. The BB contemplated his chances and then asked me how much I had in front of me, ignoring the big stack of green that clearly indicated that I had him covered. I told him that I had him chipped, and he called anyway. With K8o! No straight possibility, no flush possibility and he was outkicked. Once again, my emotions were short lived. He hit his three-outer 8 on the turn and took 18000 off of me. I survived one all-in, but not the second and I busted out in 4th.

I watched long enough to see the guy (who busted out the third place player on the same hand I went down) manage to blow the heads up, even though he started out with a 6:1 chip lead. The heads up was just as unpredictable as the rest of the game. Poker was a big loser in that tournament, but somehow I managed to come out OK. I was in the money, but 4th paid only $25. After a $10 buy-in and my losses from the Abbey I was still down $25 for the evening. Time to play a little ring!

Pot Limit Omaha

This entry will be bilssfully short, as I basically blew through my $20 buy in on one hand. The loser’s lounge PL game has blinds of .25/.25, so there is usually a lot of limping. People don’t raise much because raising hands in Omaha are few and far between and there are usually enough callers of the first pot-sized raise anyway that it is difficult to have confidence in anything but the stone nuts after the flop. After some decent play that added about $5 to my stack, I limped in this fateful hand with K2s-3-J. The flop was A-K-5, giving me a draw to the nut low and not much of a high. I am always suspicious of playing the low draw with A-2, since the probability of a chop is so high; I feel better about 2-3 with an A on the board because I expect that it is more likely to have counterfeited someone else’s low hand. So I called a pot-sized bet from DeCoster. I was playing for the low, which is foolish, but by no means the most foolish thing I did in this hand. The turn was another K, and DeCoster bet the pot again - probably another $5. I actually put him on AK. This would have given him Kings full, and the best possible Kings full at that. I still had my nut low draw though, and the third K looked so good… one more card can’t hurt, can it? The river was a 3. I missed my low draw, but I did improve to Kings full of threes. DeCoster bet the pot again, and - even though I really, really, really thought I was beat I raised him the rest of my stack hoping to get him to lay down his hand. Of course anyone with AA isn’t going to lay down, and DeCoster didn’t. AAAKK handily beat KKK33 and I finished the evening down $45.

And I had to fly to Portland the next morning. With a back that was screaming and a muscle spasm that was doubling me over like a bottle of Mezcal on an empty stomach.

At least it wasn’t raining.

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Let’s pretend John Kerry was not in Cambodia at Christmas, but rather in January.
Let’s pretend John Kerry did everything he could—including wounding himself—to get out of Vietnam.
Let’s pretend there are gaps in John Kerry’s military record.
Let’s pretend everything the Swifties say is true—even the stuff that has already been shown to be false.
Now. Does that make Kerry less fit for the office of President than George W. Bush?

Whether you buy that it was intentional or not, Scout over at the always-excellent And Then . . . points out striking similarities between a seemingly arbitrary (and illogical) Bush-Cheney campaign image and an image of the 9/11 fireball.

The Republicans, or at least the far right Republicans currently controlling the party, scare me. I don’t like their vision for America and I hope that Bush is soundly defeated, even if Kerry is an uninspiring candidate. But I don’t get the people who want to violently protest the RNC, or be mean to delegates. Doesn’t sound like a very good way to communicate your views to those who disagree with you or are uninformed and I don’t think it is in keeping with the American spirit of open debate. Argue with their message, don’t protest their presence.

While Ferrari is busy with his non-hiatus hiatus, he sent me a pop quiz that I’d like to share with the class.

The topic is “Stereotyped Athletes” and today’s question is Which of these players is African-American?

ABC, the most acclaimed quarterback recruit for the Buckeyes since Art Schlichter, is a tall, lean pocket-passer. XYZ is a shifty runner and scrambler with a rocket for an arm.

This sort of thing takes me back to the glory days of Monday Night Football.

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